The J-Dub Gambling Challenge 2021: Week 12 – The “Goddamn Army” Edition

Just so nobody gets the wrong idea here…during this week of Veteran’s Day in the United States (or Remembrance Day if you happen to live in a British Commonwealth country) this is in no way as intended as a slight toward my comrades-in-arms from the Army. It also might be easy to think that since I’m a veteran of the U.S. Marine Corps, this might be yet another salvo fired in the rivalry between those two branches.

Actually, this is more about how watching (and more importantly gambling on) Army football is turning me into turn me into Staff Sergeant Gorman from the 1970 Oscar-winning Robert Altman movie M*A*S*H.

SSGT Gorman was played by “man of many hats” Bobby Troup. If you’re like and have a border-line unhealthy obsession with all things Jack Webb, Troup’s face is more than familiar. But in this case, his “Gorman” is also a perfect representation for one of my more unhealthy endeavors; you guessed it…gambling. That’s because SSGT Gorman is a disgruntled career soldier who only has about 90 seconds of total screen time in M*A*S*H and he only has one line, but it is sprinkled across the film at selected points to punctuate a mood of general exasperation.

“Goddamn Army!”

~Staff Sergeant Gorman

Say what you will about service academy football, but they all tend to be rather dependable bets. Feel free to speculate as to why that is, but the point is while the Army Black Knights have become a far-improved lot on the field, they’ve become shakier than warm Jell-O against the spread. Most recently, the Black Knights had me channeling my inner Gorman when they managed to blow a lead an 11-point second-half lead against the Air Force Falcons to head into overtime knotted at 14.

“Goddamn Army!”

~J-Dub

From a gambling perspective, this was a problem for yours truly as Vegas had the total at 37, and I was holding a slip for the under. If you know how overtime works in college football, you also know a 9-point cushion can dissolve faster in extra frames than an Alka-Seltzer in a vat of sulfuric acid.

However, despite my histrionics, the Black Knights held firm enough to preserve my winner. That would prove to be a crucial component in snapping a two-week losing streak. Coming out of week 11, the J-Dub Gambling Challenge Bankroll picked up $870 to head into week 12 at a season-total $7,580^*.

In any event, I can’t lay anything on the Black Knights this week as they are hosting the FCS Bucknell Bisons at West Point.

Goddamn Army.

^* – The season total has been adjusted after the discovery of a math error in week 10.

LEGAL DISCLAIMER (mandated by our very own Small Town Pizza Lawyer):

Thanks to the Supreme Court, gambling is no longer illegal at Bushwood, sir. However, the Supreme Court can’t really help me unless one of them is willing to keep Mrs. J-Dub from braining me with a cast-iron skillet if she found out how many dimes I’m dropping on college football.

That means that as far as she knows, all wagers are mythical in nature and this is in no way, shape, or form a gambling advice column. In other words, if you lose your own “real” money, that’s nobody’s fault but yours, so don’t yell at me when we meet at the plasma center on Monday.

If you think you have a gambling problem, go find the 800 number on your own. I’m not a goddamn public service announcement.

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The Standard Plays

• Cincinnati (-24) at South Florida O/U 59.5 $100 Cincinnati
• Wyoming at Boise State (-13) O/U 46.5 $50 Boise State, $50 Over
• West Virginia at Kansas State (-6) O/U 46 $75 Kansas State, $75 Under
• Minnesota at Iowa (-5.5) O/U 37.5 $100 Iowa
• Rutgers at Indiana (-7) O/U 43 $75 Rutgers
• Duke at Virginia Tech (-10) O/U 47.5 $125 Virginia Tech
• Maryland at Michigan State (-13) O/U 61.5 $150 Michigan State, $150 Under
• Michigan (-2) at Penn State O/U 52.5 $200 Under
• Oklahoma (-7) at Baylor O/U 61.5 $200 Oklahoma
• North Carolina State at Wake Forest (-2.5) O/U 66.5 $75 Wake Forest
• Northwestern at Wisconsin (-22) O/U 40.5 $150 Under
• Washington State at Oregon (-14) O/U 56 $50 Washington State
• Notre Dame (-6) at Virginia O/U 63.5 $150 Natre Dame
• Mississippi State at Auburn (-4) O/U 53.5 $75 Auburn, $75 Over
• Kentucky (-19) at Vanderbilt O/U 52.5 $100 Kentucky

The Almost Always Punitive Purdue Bet

Since I live in the heart of Big Ten country, almost literally in the shadow of Ross-Ade stadium, those around me who know I’m a gambler will invariably ask me about the Boilermakers, so I might as well bet on them…

Purdue at Ohio State (-21.5) O/U 66.5

$50 Purdue, $50 Over

The Dubsism College Football Heavyweight Champ Bet:

We went back to the very first college football game in 1869, and the premise is simple…you’re the champ until somebody beats you. The current champion is the Texas A&M Aggies.

Texas A&M (-2.5) at Mississippi O/U 58.5 $75 Mississippi

J-Dub’s Payday of the Week:

It’s like the game says…the idea is to hang on to your cash. That means this is the “big play” of the week; the one that should make today “Payday.”

Arkansas (-3) at Louisiana State O/U 56

$250 Louisiana State, $250 Over

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