Before we get into the University of Central Florida capturing it’s first Dubsism College Football Heavyweight Championship, we need to revisit the concept of the “tomato can.” From boxing’s beginning, this term refers to opponents scheduled strictly for the purpose of padding a rising fighter’s record. We football-heads broadened the idiom to define those horribly over-matched teams “Power 4” programs usually feast on, particularly in their non-conference schedules.
But now… the tomato cans are winning.
Last week when Brigham Young took the Dubsism College Football Heavyweight title away from Notre Dame, we knew we could be facing a situation where the belt stayed in the Big 12 for a while. Because of the way college football schedules are set, the title tends to rattle around in a particular conference, save for the non-conference tilts and the bowl…and now playoff…season. But with the advent of the “super-megalo-conference,” while the B1G Ten and SEC are loaded with the leviathans of the game, they’ve also diluted the depth of their leagues.
These factors formed a “perfect storm;” the result of which is the B1G Ten has had the belt for a total of two weeks since 2019, and why once-proud SEC programs have become tomato cans.
That’s how a middlin’-to-crap Florida Gator team took the title in 2024 while it was bouncing around the SEC. Because it didn’t rate any better than a middlin’-to-crap bowl game, they held on to the belt by pummeling a “Group of 6” side.
But in their first title defense in the 2025 season, the SEC “tomato can” got soup-boned by the American Athletic Conference’s (AAC) South Florida Tomato Cans Bulls. Thus began a run of the belt bouncing between the two decidedly weaker “Power 4” conferences when Miami (FL) took the title the following week.
Flash the clock forward to last night. Having just won the belt, Brigham Young was set to start earning some respect as a serious playoff contender until they ran into yet another tomato can from the Sunshine State.
As mentioned, the Knights of the University of Central Florida are hoisting the Dubsism College Football Heavyweight Championship for the very first time. You have to love the story, the underdog takes down the champion. The fact they beat the #2 ranked team in the country…and did it on Homecoming weekend…well, let’s just say there’s probably some brain-rattling hangovers in Orlando this morning.
Hopefully, I can get these comments in before they regain consciousness. The fact is I just can’t take a team seriously when it plays it’s home games in a “Bounce House.” Besides, somebody has to bring the party back to reality…which is no farther away than the schedule:
- 30-Oct: Baylor
- 7-Nov: @ Kansas
- 14-Nov: Arizona State
- 20-Nov: Iowa State
- 28-Nov: @ Colorado
The Knights are likely to be underdogs in most of those, and God help us all if they hang on to the title just long enough to lose it in some sort of season-ending snowstorm in Colorado. But before you UCF fans sharpen your crayons to @ me…don’t forget Rocky was once “tomato can” too.
But like him, you’re not keeping the title long.
1st Championship
- 1634 : 2026 26-Oct Central Florida 39, Brigham Young 31 (2 OT)
In Case You Didn’t Know
Here at Dubsism, we have our own way of determining who is the #1 team in college football. Eschewing polls, debates, and the general silliness of a subjective means, we decided to go with “you’re the best until somebody beats you.” To do that, we went back to the very first college football game in 1869. Since there were only two teams, it was easy to decide the winner of that game was the best. We just took it from there.
In other words, we determine a champion just like boxing does. We know who was the original #1; tracing the path of the championship was a simple as following the winner. Even today, it remains an exercise in watching #1’s game, and crowning a new champ if they lose.
As is the tradition, here’s the full scroll of all 1,634 college football championship matches going all the way back to that very first game in 1869. Scroll down, click Page 2, and get ready for the biggest mega-scroll of your life…
