What your view of sports and life would be if you had too many concussions
Previously, here at Dubsism, we embarked in an attempt to educate the blog-reading public as to the joys of the best sports league that may be largely unknown to those of you living south of the Arctic Circle, the Western Collegiate Hockey Association (WCHA). The idea was to liken the member schools of the league to something with a bit more universal appeal; a representative character from The Simpsons.
While we are currently in the midst of the NCAA Tournament, there is a pressing future concern at hand. Beginning with the 2010-2011 season, the WCHA will expand from it’s present ten members to an even dozen, when Bemidji State University and the University of Nebraska-Omaha become members.
In order to continue the effort to broaden the understanding of this wonderful league, not only do we need to find representative Simpsons’ characters for these new entrants, but its really necessary to do so as to avoid confusion. See, the trouble is this league already sports two teams having the same moniker, the St. Cloud State Huskies and the Michigan Tech Huskies. Now that Nebraska-Omaha is becoming a member, it will share the Maverick mascot with Minnesota State.
This is where you enter the picture. Once half the staff at Dubsism was hospitalized brawling over what the new characters should be, we decided through wired jaws to open the decision to a vote. With that, here are the nominees for each school.
1) Waylon Smithers – The geographic proximity between Bemidji, Minnesota and Grand Forks, North Dakota (the home of Mr. Burns) is a pretty solid metaphor for Smithers’ incessant need to be close to Mr. Burns. Smithers’ obsession with Burns is also reflected in BSU’s copy-catting UND’s green and white colors, and there are many rumors, unsubstantiated as they may be, that Bemidji State is home to a massive Malibu Stacy collection.
2) Princess Kashmir – While she may be one of the more obscure characters, the fact that can’t be ignored is BSU’s team nickname is…ummm…the Beavers.
3) Chief Wiggum – Bemidji State is home to a substantial law-enforcement program, and frankly the WCHA could use some cops. In addition, Wiggum’s vast waistband is representative of the girth of the average northern Minnesotan, as is his general duncery.
4) Otto the Bus Driver – I have it on authority from more than one Bemidji State alum that the isolated nature of this school in the hinterlands of northern Minnesota combined with its annual 14 months of uninhabitability winter climate are major contributing factors in making BSU a shining beacon of, shall we say, recreational chemistry…
1) Milhouse van Houten – Much like the time Milhouse moved to Capital City and transmogrified from nerd to the veritable apex of uber-cool, UNO is hoping for the same type of metamorphasis. They really are banking on the switch in conferences giving them the status of a rock star, because nothing would make all those jerks back in Springfield the Central Collegiate Hockey Association (CCHA) have to suck it.
2) Groundskeeper Willie – If one were to pick two places in America where people have piss-your-pants funny accents that make them nearly impossible to understand, it would be hard to ignore Minnesota and Texas. Honestly, Nebraska is really like a bastard child of the two. So why not have this school represented by the single-most hilarious and undecihperable character available?
3) Rich Texan – First of all, see the aforementioned likeness of Nebraska and Texas. Second of all, UNO is a school hiding behind the bravado of the Bull mascot in a manner identical to how the Texan uses his six-guns to cover his “inadequacies.”
4) Principal Skinner – Sure, Nebraska is a state, but it isn’ t much of one. If there were a state you could picture still living with its harridan mother at age 45, it would be Nebraska. Being bordered by such hotbeds of sheer excitement like Iowa and South Dakota gives Nebraska the ability to actually believe school field trips and individually-wrapped fruit cups are the stuff that makes life worth living.
UPDATE 9/21/10: The results are in!
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