What your view of sports and life would be if you had too many concussions
There’s an old saying about necessity being the mother of invention. Add some desperation and a heaping helping of good, old-fashioned horny, and you get this:
Now, I ask you: Is there a better combination of monstrously disturbing and sickeningly funny? Even if there is a sweaty pervert out there who could legitimately answer “yes,” the combination is potent enough to have cast a needless stereotype as soulless DNA receptacles on an entire class of Inflatable-Americans.
As part of a public service campaign, and to show the kinder, gentler side of this blog, I have taken it upon myself to educate as to some of the greater accomplishments achieved by our air-filled, vinyl-skinned brethren.
1) Otto the Auto-Pilot
First of all, an airline pilot holds a position of huge trust, and becoming one requires years of intensive training, the ability to react quickly in crisis situations, and knowing how to get your horn honked by a stewardess. But in Otto’s case, that’s not all. It takes a big man to shatter sexual taboos on screen, and Otto’s cracking the Flesh/Inflatable barrier was as big a moment in movie history as Jim Brown getting to sample Raquel Welch in 100 Rifles.
2) Competitive White-Water Rafting
Granted, putting blow up dolls in the same sentence with any sort of white fluid is begging for trouble, but this is all about pure competition. However, it does beg the question: What are the odds alcohol plays a role here? Don’t overlook another stereotype being shattered here; note the number of black Inflatable-Americans that can “swim.”
3) Nailing Carmen Electra
Naturally, Otto the Auto Pilot’s taboo-shattering work in 1980 cleared the way for Electra to be on the receiving end of some hottest vinyl action since British Steel. Otto, the men with flange-glued skin everywhere salute you.
4) Being a Defensive Force in the NBA
Sports in America has always reflected the attitudes of the times. Baseball had the “Gentlemen’s Agreement” that was shattered by Jackie Robinson, and it wasn’t that long ago that the NBA was joked to stand for “No Balloons Allowed.” Now, Ben Wallace has changed all that.
Sure, Ben may not be “anatomically correct” like most of his vinyl counterparts, but that doesn’t mean the sex jokes don’t just ooze from this. Count the potential double-entendres in the following:
Go one-on-one against the four-time Defender of the Year!
Play hoops on your home court with Ben Wallace. Designed for indoor or outdoor play, the life-size Ben Wallace inflatable builds your basketball skills. You’ll improve your shooting arc by practicing shots over Big Ben’s outstretched arms. Dribble around Ben, come off his screens for open shots or take it right to the basket over the big man.
You’ll learn what many of Ben Wallace’s opponents already know; you must: Fear the Fro!
Click to Inflate Ben!
However, one does have to wonder, given her history with large black guys known for their defensive ability, does Carmen Electra want to inflate Ben?