Dubsism

What your view of sports and life would be if you had too many concussions

Why You Shouldn’t Cheer For…The Chicago Bears

1) Lovie Smith is the Dumbest Coach Who For Some Reason Never Gets Fired

Let’s be honest..the only reason Smith isn’t the dumbest head coach in the NFL is because Jim Caldwell still has a job.  How dumb is Lovie? Let me count the ways:

  • Smith ran Ron Rivera out of town
  • Smith brought Mike Martz to town
  • Six words: Rex Grossman in the Super Bowl

Lovie defines inflexible. He sticks with a bonehead like Jay Cutler, he sticks with an asshole like Mike Martz, and he gets rid of anybody who doesn’t like it. That’s not Chicago, that’s North Korea. Just like North Korea, the people he gets rid of have talents, but they are’t kissing Lovie’s ass, so out they go. Not to mention, how many Bears games would feature the following lines in the next’s morning’s newspaper, all of which can be attributed to Smith’s idiocy/arrogance:

  • Another loss caused by another crucial Jay Cutler interception
  • Smith can’t manage the clock, losing a challenge after calling a timeout, thereby burning two on just one play
  • An inept and stubborn gameplan from Mike Martz
  • Offense again couldn’t establish the run
  • Offensive line can’t pick up an outside blitz

2) Mike Martz is an Asshole Who Should Have Been Discredited Years Ago

Normally, when you hire a guy, you talk to his former employer.  When the Bears were looking for an offensive coordinator, Charlie Armery, got wind of the Bears’ interest. Being Martz’s former boss in St. Louis, Armery was quick to disspell the notion that Jay Cutler may benefit from the “offensive master mind” that is Mike Martz.

“He’s a terrible…coach, and he would ruin that kid like he ruined Kurt Warner and drove him out of St. Louis. He’s the worst thing that could happen to any young quarterback,” Armery said. He later went on to say that it would be an “absolute mistake” for Bears coach Lovie Smith to hire him.

Of course, this almost guaranteed the Bears hiring Martz, which they inexplicably did. You really had to wonder about this move not only for that, but for the fact that Lovie Smith thinks his team “gets off the bus running,” and Martz has a reputation for being  a coach who loves to fill the skies with footballs? The blatant truth is that since his early success in St. Louis, Martz can only get hired to second-or-worse rate jobs (San Francisco, Detroit, Chicago), because in the years since working for the Rams, Martz has had exactly zero success, largely because he is an inflexible “smartest guy in the room” type asshole.

He managed to incite a player revolt in Detroit when he refused even to entertain changing his unbalanced offense, pass-happy, and largely unsuccessful approach. That got him fired. He managed to fall out of favor with 49ers management, including then-head coach Mike Singletary, because he refused even to entertain changing his unbalanced, pass-happy, and largely unsuccessful approach. That got him fired. And on more than one occasion, he nearly got his quarterback killed in Chicago because of his refusal even to entertain changing his unbalanced, pass-happy, and largely unsuccessful approach.

Remember the game against the Giants this past season…the one where Jay Cutler got sacked about a billion times before New York finally knocked him out of the game? Remember how Martz kept throwing the ball with a 78-year old Todd Collins at quarterback? Remember how that ended for Collins (he too needed to be peeled off the field).  Martz got so many quarterbacks killed that night I was waiting for the Bears to thaw out Bob Avellini. Again he showed refusal to change his unbalanced, pass-happy, and largely unsuccessful approach, and he should have been fired that night.

3) George Halas Was a Miserly Prick

People love to speak glowingly of Halas as he was one of the founding fathers of the NFL. I understand that as a businessman, he started with hardly a pot to piss in.   I get the early years were tough; the Bears lost $71.63 in their first year.  However, by the time Halas retired in 1968, he and the Chicago Bears franchise were both  worth multiple millions of dollars.

Halas: So cheap he actually lived in that hat.

Despite his success, Halas was  ruthless, dictatorial, vindictive, and phenomenally tight-fisted.  He could squeeze a penny so hard he could make Abe Lincoln fart.   As a rookie, George Blanda was signed by the Chicago Bears for $600 in 1949, an amount owner George Halas demanded back when he made the team.  Blanda would eventually end up as a record setting quarterback, place-kicker, and Hall-of-Famer, yet Halas saw fit to use him as a linebacker. It would not be until 1953 that Blanda would emerge as the Bears’ top signal caller, but an injury the following year effectively ended his first-string status. For the next four years, he was used mostly in a kicking capacity. Later commenting on his testy relationship with Halas, Blanda noted “he was too cheap to even buy me a kicking shoe.”  Blanda later reflected that by the 1950s the pro game had moved beyond Halas, which explains why of Halas’ seven NFL Championships, only one came after 1947.

4) Jay Cutler Is a Douchebag

The Proof: There’s a Facebook group to that effect, and if it’s on Facebook, it has to be true.  Face it, Jay Cutler has quickly become the NFL’s favorite whipping boy, and there’s one person to blame: Jay Fucking Cutler. I will be the first to admit, at first I thought the kid had brass ones, but that was based solely on his performance in college when he led Vanderbilt into overtime on the road against the at-the-time seemingly invincible Florida Gators. The problem is Cutler later proved himself to be a spoiled, rich-bitch-kid, prep school quarterback who emits that “I am the shit” persona heavily salted with his own special flavor of douchebaggery.  To summarize Cutler would be to say he is the sort of guy who believes Albert Einstein couldn’t have been all that great because he never threw for 4,000 yards.

About J-Dub

What your view of sports would be if you had too many concussions

5 comments on “Why You Shouldn’t Cheer For…The Chicago Bears

  1. Chris Humpherys
    January 14, 2011

    That being said, I still like the Bears to cover this weekend.

    We’ll talk again when they face the winner of Atl/GB.

    Like

    • JW
      January 14, 2011

      Well, this is less about the Cubs’ ability to cover…this is really more an exercise in straight-up hatin’

      Like

  2. Chris Humpherys
    January 14, 2011

    Let it all out, brother.

    Bourbon might help.

    Just don’t drive afterward.

    Like

  3. chappy81
    January 14, 2011

    Wow, that’s hilarious man. I had no idea you hated them that much…

    I hope they choke this weekend, but it’s going to be hard to lose to Seattle..

    Like

    • JW
      January 14, 2011

      I live near enough to Chicago that there are a hefty dose of Bears fans who need a reality check…

      Like

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This entry was posted on January 14, 2011 by in NFL and tagged , , , , , , .

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