What your view of sports and life would be if you had too many concussions
No, this isn’t another tale of a Brett Favre-like textual assault. Rather, this is a story of a cylindrical meat attack in of all places, a golf course.
A strange year for Tiger Woods took another bizarre twist Sunday when a fan was arrested for running toward the seventh green at CordeValle and tossing a hot dog in Woods’ direction. The bun barely reached the green. The hot dog landed on the putting surface.
Frankly, I’m glad this happened. First of all, we finally get a Tiger Woods story which doesn’t revolve around his allegedly imminent demise. In all honesty, I have about as much tolerance for the “Tiger is finished” story as I do for root canals with no anesthetic. Having said that, I’m also not willing to portray a guy as a victim who basically caused his own problems by tripping over his own hard-on. So, who is the real victim in this story?
The chucklehead who threw the hot dog is clearly not a victim. The guy who is making blogger hay out of this quasi-hilarious incident isn’t. However, we cannot overlook this incident as another clear example of bias against cylindrical meat. Face it, that poor hot dog had no choice it its fate; it simply was going through its happy, little hot dog life when suddenly it was suddenly into the forefront. I’m pretty sure it didn’t come out of the Oscar Mayer factory singing a little ditty about “My first name is ‘I-hope-some-lunatic-chucks-me-at-a-golfer.'”
Moreover, in a country in which we are all collectively being told we are a bunch of super-sizing tubs of goo, cylindrical meat has taken an undue share of the blame for our fatitiude. Hot dogs, bratwurst, and all the various sausages out there are a veritable supermarket symbol of America’s bloated waistlines. If you doubt that, just look back at sports most famous Wiener-Hate incident; the Milwaukee Brat-Bash of 2007.
During the Brewers’ traditional “Sausage Race,” Pirates first-baseman Randall Simon took out his frustration with his own weight issues by taking a Louisville Slugger to the head of Guido, the Italian Sausage. It’s time to stop the hate America. It isn’t Guido or any of his delicious pals’ fault you’ve needed to add three extra holes to your belt; Guido didn’t stick a gun in your face demanding that you eat him.
Beyond that, I hope the real irony in this story isn’t lost in all the cylindrical-meat-hating. Now, people are throwing their wieners at Tiger Woods; two years ago, he was throwing his at IHOP waitresses.