Dennis Rodman Thinks He Deserves The Nobel Peace Prize – It’s Not Nearly As Ridiculous As It Sounds
Don’t get me wrong, it’s still ridiculous, but not as much as you might think. To understand this, we have to break down yesterday’s article in the Washington Post.
It’s been a busy year for Dennis Rodman, the former NBA bad-boy-turned-diplomat.
Yeah, I know that first sentence screams this whole thing is going to be an exercise is complete absurdity, but just go with it for a minute.
He’s traveled to North Korea. He’s talked with Kim Jong Un and pronounced him a “friend for life.” He’s gone to Vatican City and kindly offered to assist with the selection of a new pope. All of which leads him to one conclusion: He should win the Nobel Peace Prize, like some sort of blond, pierced, tattooed version of, oh, Jimmy Carter or Al Gore.
Yeah, I know once you read the line “blond, pierced, tattooed version of, oh, Jimmy Carter or Al Gore” you just about threw up on your keyboard, but think about it. It’s pretty hard to name two guys who fucked up American credibility in the world more than Jimmy “Sure, take my people hostage” Carter or Al “I invented the internet” Gore. So, what more damage can a guy do who looks like the result of a one-nighter between a circus freak and RuPaul?
“My mission is to break the ice between hostile countries,” Rodman told Sports Illustrated in an interview for its annual “Where are they now?” issue. “Why it’s been left to me to smooth things over, I don’t know. Dennis Rodman, of all people. Keeping us safe is really not my job; it’s the black guy’s [that would be President Obama] job. But I’ll tell you this: If I don’t finish in the top three for the next Nobel Peace Prize, something’s seriously wrong.”
See, this is where it gets good. Rodman takes it upon himself to reach out to North Korea, which makes him the only American doing so. His so-called “black guy” is simply doing a lot of pointless saber-rattling which nobody takes seriously. If the North Koreans made the kinds of threats they are making now when Ronald Reagan was president, the entirely of North Korea would still be a glowing wasteland. But politics aside, what this really boils down to is that Rodman has a legitimate claim.
Rodman, who said in March that “I want to be anywhere in the world that I’m needed,” plans to return to North Korea next month.
“I’m just gonna chill, play some basketball and maybe go on vacation with Kim and his family,” Rodman said. “I’ve called on the Supreme Leader to do me a solid by releasing Kenneth Bae.”
Bae, a Korean-American missionary, has been sentenced to 15 years of hard labor for what North Korea claims are crimes against the state.
Think about it. Rodman has actually taken up the cause of a guy who is basically a political prisoner. That’s one hell of a better reason to get the Nobel Prize than some of the other assloafs who have received it recently. Just look at some examples. Hell, the Washington Post piece names three of the most laughable.
Barack Obama – The official reason for giving him this award was “for his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples.” The Nobel committee made this statement when Obama had only been in office for two months, and literally hadn’t even gotten unpacked yet. But when he finally did start acting as a peacemaker, he expanded a war that he promised to end and took personal credit for killing Osama Bin Laden.
Al Gore – The Nobel committee’s reason for this award is even more laughable than Obama’s: “for efforts to build up and disseminate greater knowledge about man-made climate change, and to lay the foundations for the measures that are needed to counteract such change.” What that really means is Al Gore has been saving the environment while jetting around in his own private plane and racking up electric bills in the range of tens of thousands dollars at his private residence. It also means he is being feted for advancing an “environmental” cause which punishes developed economies for not being backward shitholes, but does nothing to stop third-world countries from turning the rain forests into chopsticks and cheap furniture.
Jimmy Carter – This one would make you laugh until you puked, if it weren’t so blatantly stupid. Carter’s award was given with the logic “for his decades of untiring effort to find peaceful solutions to international conflicts, to advance democracy and human rights, and to promote economic and social development.” Let’s take a look at what that really means:
- As governor of Georgia in 1972, Carter signed state legislation in the wake of the Supreme Court’s banning of capital punishment not only re-instating the death penalty in Georgia, but expanding it to crimes that were not previously eligible.
- Carter got involved with the North Korean problem in 1994 to negotiate a nuclear non-proliferation treaty which was another just worthless piece of paper. Had it worked, we wouldn’t even need this Rodman adventure.
- Carter held summits in Egypt and Tunisia in 1995 and 1996 to address the genocide going on in the Great Lakes region of Africa, which stopped absolutely nothing.
- Carter is loved by the United Nation for his consistently anti-Israeli positions which have done nothing but to encourge Arab violence.
Stacked up against all that, what Rodman is doing isn’t nearly as buffoonish as it sounds on its’ face. Granted, his buffoonish appearance and buffoonish behavior explain why nobody will take him seriously, and his words don’t really help either.
“Fact is, [Kim] hasn’t bombed anywhere he’s threatened to yet. Not South Korea, not Hawaii, not … whatever. People say he’s the worst guy in the world. All I know is Kim told me he doesn’t want to go to war with America. His whole deal is to talk basketball with Obama,” Rodman said. “Unfortunately, Obama doesn’t want to have anything to do with him. I ask, Mr. President, what’s the harm in a simple phone call? This is a new age, man. Come on, Obama, reach out to Kim and be his friend.”
Yeah, I know that is a pretty dumb comment on more levels than I care to discuss, but like him or not, Rodman is doing something you would be hard-pressed to get Americans to do these days. He’s putting his ass on the line. Rodman enjoys no political cover, nor does he have any threat of American muscle behind him, unlike a former President. He is a guy who easily could have ended up stashed away in the North Korean version of the gulag on a whim of Kim Jong Un. It’s not like the North Koreans don’t already have a reputation for tossing foreigners into their prisons just because they feel like it.
Like it or not, another reason why Rodman will be ridiculed for this move is that Rodman is actually flying in the face of what is accepted as conventional American wisdom. To see an example of that, all you have to do is wait for the first Prius-driving pain in the ass to write me some bullshit comment because the laughable Noble winners I mentioned are all saints in the modern American liberal religion. They will hurl invective at me, then bask in a sense of self-satisfaction over a mocha latte they made from beans they bought from their local co-op. Of course, they will miss the point that all of their bullshit causes accomplish nothing because they never actually do anything.
If you doubt that just go to any American university and take a look around. The first time you see somebody espousing some political cause (and it won’t take long to see that), go up tio them and ask them what they hope to accomplish. Don’t let them off the hook easy, ask for a specific, quantifiable result. 9,999 times out of 10,000, they will give you an answer that has something to do with “generating awareness.” That is precisely why I weep for the future of this country.
Once upon a time, our universities produced people who were going to make a difference because not only did they know how to do something, they actually went out and did it. Now, they pump out art history majors who do nothing but bitch and moan about everything under the sun, but they think you effect change by posting shit on their Facebook pages or wearing those stupid-ass rubber cause bracelets. That may work in a country where liberal dip-shittery has succeeded in shaping social consciousness, especially here where all the so-called “tough-guy conservatives” keep knuckling under to these tofu-eating pussies or exercising their 2nd Amendment rights to shoot themselves in the foot.
What it comes down to is that to effect change outside of the U.S., at some point you have to put down you Ipad, get off your futon and go fucking do something. Rodman may not be smart enough to know what he is doing, and he may be crazy enough to not how dangerous it really is, or vice versa. But the point is he’s doing it, which is more than I can say for any of our soft, blog-reading asses.
Besides, when you look at some of the ridiculous reasons they’ve awarded Nobel Prizes, why not have a peace prize laureate who once kicked a cameraman in the nuts?
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Dubsism 
“all you have to do is wait for the first Prius-driving pain in the ass to write me some bullshit comment”
“then bask in a sense of self-satisfaction over a mocha latte they made from beans they bought from their local co-op”
“they think you effect change by posting shit on their Facebook pages or wearing those stupid-ass rubber cause bracelets”
“at some point you have to put down you Ipad, get off your futon and go fucking do something”
“tofu-eating pussies”
Wow – I don’t know what I did to offend you, but the trolling and the Asian-specific last two comments really were low rent. It almost makes me want to start a blog and call you out on specific things you do, own, wear and own.
It hurts man.
He’s watching you Dub – he’s watching you.
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A) I had no idea you drove a Prius. My condolences.
B) I figured you more for a Whole Earth Foods sort of guy than the Uptown Birkenstock Tie-Dye Co-Op. Does one have better roasted soy nuts than the other?
C) If the terms “futon” and ‘tofu” are “Asian-Specific” then every stoner vegetarian from my 20-year old lawn guy to Ross Levine are Asian.
D) You are always welcome to be a guest on our podcast and tell me what a racist piece of shit I am.
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If Obama can win the NBP then so can anybody. Period! What a travesty!
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Plus he’d be the first defensive player of the year to win a Nobel Peace Prize, which is nice.
Okay, you convinced me. Is there a write-in ballot somewhere so I can cast my vote for the worm?
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Sorry, but the closest I can give you is a bottle of Mezcal so you can eat the worm.
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