What your view of sports and life would be if you had too many concussions
For all the media-generated bluster that has happened today over Indianapolis Colts’ owner Jim Irsay’s comments about his former quarterback, one thing that has bee largely forgotten is that everything Irsay said is true. In case you missed it, here’s what he said in an interview with USA Today Sports. The context is Irsay is lamenting the fact the Colts had only one title to show for all their success with Peyton Manning.
“[Tom] Brady never had consistent numbers, but he has three of these [Super Bowl rings],” Irsay told USA Today. Pittsburgh had two, the Giants had two, Baltimore had two and we had one. That leaves you frustrated. You make the playoffs 11 times, and you’re out in the first round seven out of 11 times. You love to have the ‘Star Wars’ numbers from Peyton and Marvin [Harrison] and Reggie [Wayne]. Mostly, you love this ring.”
So, what Irsay is saying is a) the NFL is all about winning Super Bowls, and b) Peyton Manning is a horse-shit “big-game” quarterback.
Don’t even try to tell me that the first one isn’t true. Winning a Super Bowl is like becoming a Yokozuna in Sumo Wrestling. Once you have the ring, you are always a grand champion and no matter what, they can never take it away from you. The fact that Tony Dungy has one is the only reason anybody bothers to listen to the crap spewing from that little bat-faced, moralizing asswipe. I’ll come back to him in a minute.
You can try to deny the second point is untrue; doing so is to ignore a few crushing facts.
That last one actually helps to explain why everybody gets their collective colon in a knot if anybody dares to speak ill of the sainted Peyton Manning. Favre was little more than a glorified rodeo clown for the majority of career, and the way it ended didn’t help. The never-ending retirement drama, the whole thing about texting pictures of his junk to various bimbos, and how out last vision of him as a football player was his crumpled body on the frozen turf in Minnesota all make him the perfect foil to his partner in play-off futility. Nobody will be naming a children’s hospital after Brett Favre like the Steak N’ Sake sucking fatburgers did for St. Peyton in Indiana.
Frankly, I don’t understand how anybody can read Irsay’s quote and not see that it’s simply pointing out facts. While they not be warm and fuzzy, they are Sgt. Joe Friday facts of the first order. There’s no denying them. I think it is important to note the obvious level of frustration in that statement. Having Peyton Manning as your quarterback is like having a super-model wife who has no vagina. You can better fucking believe she will turn all the heads at the dinner party, but later when it is time to get the job done, she just doesn’t have the equipment. Irsay’s one Super Bowl ring is just like that awkward, post-dinner party handjob.
When you consider it in those terms, it’s no fucking wonder Irsay was frustrated. It isn’t a big stretch to say the Indianapolis Colts of the Peyton Manning era could have easily been a dynasty; it is even less of a stretch to say they just never got it done. 11 Colt playoff appearances; 7 Colt “one-and-dones.”
To do this story justice, we really have to look at a guy who helped achieve that Manning-level of frustration. Tony Dungy played a big role in those Colt failures, and he also had to pop off his bat-mouth over this situation. In a piece on ESPN’s website, Dungy came to Manning’s defense, arguing that the quarterback’s popularity and success helped prevent the Colts from leaving Indianapolis.
“Without Peyton, there would be no Lucas Oil Stadium. This team would be playing in L.A. right now. I don’t understand Jim saying this.”
Here’s why he is saying this, you dipshit. First of all, the guy’s has likely had a belly-full of the media’s non-stop fellating of Peyton this season, and you know damn good and well that in advance of the Broncos coming to Indianapolis this week he’s been getting a steady diet of Manning-related questions.
Not to mention, Tony, you played a big role in the construction of Irsay’s frustration as well. Let’s take a hard look as those teams you coached so well in the regular season, and so feebly in the play-offs. A Tony Dungy team was the epitome of imbalance; the Dungy Buccaneers were defensive juggernauts that couldn’t score in a women’s prison with a fistful of pardons. The Dungy Colts were the exact opposite; scoring machines that couldn’t stop a Girl Scout cookie sale.
That is why is just as easy to read Irsay’s comments as a reminder that the Colts not only let Peyton Manning go in 2012, they cut ties with that imbalanced model. By looking at this year’s version of the Colts, it is obvious that this team is being built on a balanced model; one that includes good defense, good special teams, and a solid running game.
Now, let’s talk about the part that once and for all cements Tony Dungy as one of the great dumb asses of all time. To say that the Colts would be in Los Angeles now if it weren’t for Peyton Manning is like saying tuna fish would come in rectangular cans if it weren’t for Rob Dyrdek. They don’t have a fucking thing to do with each other.
If the supposition is that it was Manning who made the Colts popular so that they didn’t leave Indianapolis, well…there’s some major holes in that theory. I won’t even get into how Indianapolis got the Colts in the first place, What matters is that Indianapolis is just a shitty sports town. Colts’ fans are a bunch of fat-necked front-runners who wear stupid chin beards and don’t even remember when Jim Harbaugh was their quarterback. To call them “fair-weather fans” would be to insult the notoriously non-loyal fan bases of teams like the Atlanta Braves and the Los Angeles (insert team here). This team made the play-offs last year and was still dealing with the possibility of TV black-outs because the Colts “faithful” were all out buying Bronco Manning jerseys. Seriously, tune into the game Sunday night in Indianapolis and count how many orange Peyton Manning jerseys you see. I’d be willing to bet there will be a guy selling them in front of Lucas oil Stadium.
Speaking of the new stadium, if it wasn’t the popularity of the Colts that got that thing built, what was it? The fact that Jim Irsay got in bed with the city and the state knowing that in order to get a Super Bowl for the Hoosier State, it had to be built if they were going to come…and they did. Not only that, but they just might again in 2018, and Peyton Manning and the Colts will have nothing to do with that one either.
But, let’s get back to the “Los Angeles Colts” scenario. To the NFL, Los Angeles has become what Tampa was to baseball in the 1980’s. How many MLB franchises threatened to move to Tropicana Field back in the pre-Rays days? The Minnesota Twins, the Chicago White Sox, and the San Francisco Giants all used the city by the other bay to get something; shit, I think even the Hiroshima Carp got a new sushi bar out of such a threat.
Think about it. Ever since Al Davis made Los Angeles the “ugly girl home alone on a Saturday Night” to his “Drunken frat boy,” teams wanting a new stadium have used the “City of Angels” for their own devilish purposes. The Minnesota Vikings, the Jacksonville Jaguars, the St. Louis Rams, the Buffalo Bills, and ironically even the New Orleans Saints have all used Los Angeles as some form of threat/bluff. the colts made some noise to this effect, but the fact remains that it was never going to happen.
Nobody is relocating to Los Angeles for one big reason: the owners don’t want anybody to move there. That isn’t to say they don’t want a team, if not two there. They want an NFL team in Los Angeles almost as much as Kris Humphries wishes he could forget the whole Kardashian episode, but the NFL wants to get something like the $1 billion expansion fee they got from Bob McNair for the Houston Texans. So, for Tony Dungy to say Peyton Manning is the reason the Colts didn’t move is like saying Charles Manson was responsible for the number of copies The Beatles’ “White Album” sold.
Here’s what it all comes down to. jim Irsay says something that is true, the media blows it all out of proportion, and dingleberries like Tony Dungy show how dumb they are.
Welcome to just another Wednesday in America.