The Confederate Flag Isn’t The Only Old Thing Some South Carolinians Want To Get Rid Of

If you clicked on the header thinking this was how you could still get in on the debate over the Confederate flag, you’re in the wrong place.  The picture should have told you that. If you really want to weigh in, you can go over to TurtleBoy Sports and hop all over the comments section for a piece I did about it.

Rather, this is about an article I found in the Columbia, South Carolina newspaper known as The State.  It’s an interview with University of South Carolina head football coach Steve Spurrier. At first, it seems just like a garden-variety reporter-and-coach sort of screed.  But after I read it a few times, I realized this is a masterful exercise in asking hidden questions.

The main reason I had to re-read so many times is that in many cases, Spurrier’s answers didn’t always make sense.  But once I realized the “hidden question” factor, I saw that all too often Spurrier was answering a hidden question with a similarly hidden answer.  After I picked up on that little gem, I went back and made notes of the reporter’s hidden questions, then included Spurrier’s hidden answers.  After I put them all together, the picture of what was happening here became all too clear.

Actual Question #1:

When you were 50 years old, what did you think about guys who were coaching in their 70s?

• Hidden Question #1:  Don’t you think there’s a time to “pack it in?”

Actual Answer: #1 

Well, there weren’t many. There weren’t many because just nobody did it. Nobody lasted that long, and most of the time they didn’t last that long because at some point they quit winning as much as they used to win. Bobby Bowden, of course, went a long time, and they finally had to tell him, ‘You’re finished.’ Joe Paterno was still there. That was very unfortunate what happened up there. I still think he got a bad deal, got a terrible deal.

• Hidden Answer #2: I know exactly where this is going.  I’m not Bowden, I can still knock out 36 holes of golf a day.  By the time they finally nudged Bowden out to pasture, the man was damn near pissing himself on the sidelines. As for Paterno, he was way too loyal to those sons-of-bitches.  I’d have ratted all those bastards out for what they did.  So, if this about trying to squeeze me out, I ain’t going down without a fight.

Actual Question #2:

In terms of taking so much blame?

• Hidden Question #2: Do you have skeletons in your closet like that, coach?
  

Actual Answer #2:

Correct. He did what the head coach is supposed to do. He told the athletic director, and (the AD) and the president let it die down I guess, and of course it flared up later. He was a good guy, a good friend. I liked him.

• Hidden Answer #2: Shit, everybody does. Paterno’s problem was he trusted everybody.  These assholes try any shit with me and I’ve got a wall safe down at my lawyer’s office chock full of “insurance,” if you know what I mean.  It ain’t about knowing where your skeletons are, it’s about knowing where the other’s guys bones are buried.

Actual Question #3:

Have you reached out to anybody around your age who has been through this recently?

• Hidden Question #3: Have you told any of your other old coach buddies any of this stuff?

Actual Answer #3:

The last guy that just flat retired on his own that I know of is Barry Alvarez. That was still about 10 or 15 years ago. Of course, he came back and coached the Capital One Bowl this year. I mean, he could have kept coaching, but he became athletic director. Of course back when he resigned, the pay wasn’t near what the pay is now.

That’s what Frank Broyles told me one time, I was 48 and we were at the College Hall of Fame dinner, and I said, ‘Coach, how old were you when you got out of it?’ He said, ‘I was 52, but I went on to become athletic director and I made just as much as A.D. as head football coach, and I had already been a head coach 20 years.’ That was sort what you did.

Darrell Royal went 20 years and got out at 51, 52, 53. My coach Ray Graves, 51, 52, right in there. That was just what they thought you should do. Later (we learned) you don’t have to do it that way. The basketball coaches prove that. Coach K, certainly nobody is asking him how long he’s going to do it. He’s one year younger than me. I think he’s 68 right now. He and Frank Beamer, we are all sort of right in there, Tom Coughlin, the Giants coach. We are right in there. Age wise, we are all the same. I mean Coach K looks like he is 50. He’s got a youthful look about him.

• Hidden Answer #3: We don’t share each other actual secrets, but you damn well better believe we’re all doing the same stuff.  Once college sports got all that big money coming into it, everybody lined up to protect what’s theirs. We all know that for every one of us old guys, there’s forty young ones who would cut our balls off to get what we have.

Actual Question #4:

So, you think four or five years?

• Hidden Question #4: You’ve been here ten years.  With the exception of three 11-2 seasons, you’ve been little better than a .500 coach. And you’re old. All the signs don’t point to a resurgence of Gamecock football under your tutelage. But it’s hard to fire one of the “grand old men” of college football. Are you going to make us do that?

Actual Answer #4:

Well, you have to plan on that. You have to plan on that. It’s sort of interesting, a lot of my friends who I hang out with from my Florida days, the 90s, and I still hang out with them, they are all still working. They are all doing the same job they had.

My buddy Allen Trammell, still an insurance guy. Johnny Cox is a commodity broker down there in Orlando. In 1997, this guy Johnny Cox invited me and Jerri to go to the Bahamas with them. They had been going 20 years. Even as kids they went. I didn’t even know where Marsh Harbor was. Straight across from West Palm Beach. An hour flight from Orlando.

I said, ‘Sure,’ so this year will be the 18^th time we have done that. He and Allen Trammell have gone every year. Johnny owns the house there and the boat. Those guys, both of them still have their day job, still working away. If you enjoy what you’re doing, and it’s going pretty well and it’s not too stressful…

• Hidden Answer #4: What the fuck ever. They can’t fire me. Even if they wanted to, I’m the only reason anybody gives a shit about Gamecock football. Not to mention, I’m the “grand old man” of college football…well, except for Bill Snyder, but nobody cares about him. And he’s never won anything. Any story which involves the end of me has to mention Heisman trophies and national championships.

Actual Question #5:

But we always hear about how incredibly stressful college coaching is…

• Hidden Question #5: Seriously, don’t you really just want to retire already?

Actual Answer #5:

It hasn’t been for me. I will tell you a quick story. John Calipari, we talk a little bit, so after he won the game here, I called him up. I figured he was on the airplane going back to Kentucky.

I said, ‘Coach Cal, I am going to name you the most improved coach in one year. Not only did you guys win the game, but you didn’t get thrown out. Congratulations.’ He laughed a little bit. I said, ‘Are you back in Lexington yet?’

He said, ‘Coach, I am in Florida. I took the school plane down here, my wife and I. We don’t practice until Tuesday afternoon so I am going to get away a little bit. I read in a book where you used to do that on open dates.’ I said, ‘You are right, I did.’ I would go to the beach every open date and still do.

• Hidden Answer #5: Listen, this is why there’s such a thing as assistant coaches.  I never understood head coaches, especially guys over 60, who kill themselves with those 80 hour work weeks. You’ve got all these 30-somethings around you eager to make a name for themselves.  Let them get the ulcers and have the heart-attacks.  I saw what happened to guys like Bear Bryant and Joe Paterno.  Vin Scully’s got the same problem.  The minute they weren’t doing what they loved, they keeled right over. I’ll be here as long as I can lead those guys and still get in 18 holes.

Actual Question #6:

So some people are making it more stressful than it needs to be in your opinion?

• Hidden Question #6: Isn’t that just a nice way of saying you are shirking your duties off on to your sub-ordinates?

Actual Answer #6:

Oh yeah, they go back and start practicing on open dates. Will Muschamp tells me the story of when they were at LSU with (Nick) Saban, and he told him that he had talked to some of the Florida assistants who said, ‘Coach Spurrier goes to the beach every open weekend. Leaves on Friday. They get Friday, Saturday, Sunday (off), come back Monday. Coach, our guys need a break.’

(Saban said), ‘Ah, bull,’ but he said finally he did give them a couple days. I mean, they are practicing on Saturday of an open date. I think you need to pace yourself as you go through, and I think (Saban) probably lets his team go on open dates now, I would guess.

• Hidden Answer #6: Look, Skippy, or whatever your name is… That’s what bosses do.  Did you come over here today to ask me a bunch of stupid questions because you wanted to, or because the guy who signs your paychecks told you to?

Actual Question #7:

How much does your retirement decision have to do with you having two sons on the staff (Steve Spurrier Jr. is wide receivers coach, Scott Spurrier is an offensive quality control coach)?

• Hidden Question #7: So, when the time finally comes, which one of your damn kids is going to be your hand-picked successor?
  

Actual Answer #7:

That helps. Really my whole family is up here except Amy. My daughter, Amy, and her three children are in Panama City. She came to every game last year and probably will go to every one this year, too. So they are all here. We have gotten to where Columbia is one of my hometowns. Columbia and Crescent Beach. We spend probably 10-14 nights a year in Crescent Beach. That is not much.

• Hidden answer #7:  Look, I’m not going to piss on your foot and tell you it’s raining. My son’s aren’t getting jobs anywhere else.  I’ve got to make sure they make enough money on these jobs so they aren’t hanging around bumming money off their old, retired dad.

Actual Question #8:

Do you still plan to retire to Crescent Beach?

• Hidden Question #8: JUST FUCKING RETIRE ALREADY!!!
  

Actual Answer #8:

Yeah. In 1994, little over 20 years ago, a piece of property on the beach there became available. I told Jerri, ‘If I ever have enough money, I’m going to put a nice house on the beach.’ As a kid, my mom and dad would take us to one of the Myrtle beaches most every year. Cherry Grove, the most northern beach, was where we normally went, occasionally Garden City. We’d rent a house, but we’d rent one about two or three blocks away for probably $60 a week, $70 a week, and of course all the aunts and cousins and uncles (would come). If I was lucky, I would get a sofa in the living room. One year I got the outdoor swing, but it was screened in. … I said, ‘If I ever have enough money…’ I bought the property and then started building the house on it in 2004, ’05, somewhere in there. It was finished really in about 2011. We took a while building it.

• Hidden Answer #8: Blow me.

Actual Question #9:

When you retire, Steve and Scott will have to find work…

• Hidden Question #9: JUST FUCKING RETIRE ALREADY!!!  AND TAKE YOUR FUCKING KIDS WITH YOU!!!

Actual Answer #9:

Yeah, they are sort of looking. Scottie is sort of looking right now, had a few little feelers that didn’t work out, but he knows that. They are ready to get on their own. Steve Jr. is a very valuable coach, recruiting coordinator and so forth, all these guys do a lot.

• Hidden Answer #9: I’m here as long as I want to be.  Deal with it.

Actual Question #10

Would you do TV when you retire?

• Hidden Question #10: Is there any job you would do rather than be the head coach?
  

Actual Answer #10:

I keep hearing people say maybe you ought to do that, but I’m not sure that’s something I want to do. I know I could not be on TV and act like an expert and be critical of coaches and other players and things of that nature like some of these expert guys want to do. But I don’t know, I don’t know if that’s something I would want to do or not.

• Hidden Answer #10: I’m the “Ol’ Ball Coach,” not the “Ol’ TV asshole.”

Actual Question #11: 

Is your day as a 70-year-old any different as it was as a 50-year-old?

• Hidden Question #11:  C’mon, dude.  You’re 70.  Don’t you think it’s time? There’s a guy named “Dabo” making Clemson football look good.  Did you hear that? A coach named “Dabo.” Do you hear me? FUCKING DABO!!!
  

Actual Answer #11:

Not really. I heard something the other day, all these TV shows are about, ‘Are you going to have enough money when you retire at 65?’ The guys said, ‘The question is not what are you going to do when you’re 65. The question is what are you going to do before you are 65?’ Really that’s the same with health or money or whatever. ‘What are you going to do before you are 65?’ I sort of feel like I have been doing a lot of the same thing, and I have done a lot of the same things and I have gone right on through 65 so I am just going to breeze right on through it and do what I have been doing.

• Hidden Answer #11: I don’t know haw many goddamn times I’ve got to tell you this.  I’m here as long as I want…not how long YOU want…ME!

Actual Question #12:

Do you get reflective as you near 70?

• Hidden Question #12: FOR LOVE OF GOD!!! JUST FUCKING RETIRE ALREADY!!!

Actual Answer #12:

No, not too much. I was telling a buddy of mine, it was Johnny Brantley, his son played quarterback at Florida, and Johnny Brantley was the first quarterback I ever coached. He called me today and said, ‘I am finally a granddaddy. My daughter had a baby.’ So I was telling him about retiring, resigning whatever you want to call it.

I said, ‘Here’s what I should have done if I wanted to play golf a lot. I should have resigned when I was about 45 and played golf until I was 55 and then start coaching again because my best golf was 45-55.’ That’s when I should have resigned, played golf and then come back and told the boys, ‘OK, I’m ready.’ I doubt anybody would have hired me. I was 45 when I got the Florida job in ’90. I was actually 60 when I started here.

If I had started when I was a young coach, I could have a bunch of records right now. I have been very fortunate and very thankful to Mike McGee and South Carolina that he hired me for the ’05 season. There are not many ADs that would go out and hire a coach just because of his age. You would think they would say, ‘Let’s go hire a guy who is 45 and hopefully he’ll be here 10 years or more.’ I tell people I was saying four to five years when I was in my 50s and I remember saying, ‘I doubt seriously I will coach into my 60s,’ and then in my young 60s, I always said, ‘There is no way I’m going to coach into my 70s,’ and then all of a sudden it gets here, and you say, ‘Well, why would you not keep coaching if things are going well and they want you.’

The fans here and president (Harris) Pastides and Ray Tanner, I tell you what, they are the best, you can’t get better people than that to work for. And the fans have been very appreciative. When I do those Gamecock Club meetings, the old-time Gamecock people they are still very appreciative. They know where we have been in the past.

• Hidden Answer #12: Get the fuck out of my office.