What your view of sports and life would be if you had too many concussions
For the seventh January in a row, we here at Dubsism will be handing out our coveted awards for various achievements in the world of sport. Regardless of where you are reading this, the fact you are here means you likely have read a lot of other sports stuff, and therefore likely have a better idea of to whom to give these awards than do the drunken bunch of keyboard droolers on the staff here at Dubsism. You can always check out our previous awards should you have any questions as to the reasons for which the awards are given, and if you don’t know, you can also do web search on the people for whom the awards are named. They are both telling and self-explanatory.
Having said that, here is the Dubsy award nomination ballot. Simply fill in your nominees (be sure to include pertinent facts; links to supporting evidence are always welcome, and depending on the reason for nomination, it may be required by the Dubsism legal department), then copy and paste your ballot into an email addressed to email@example.com.
There are very few criteria for submitting a ballot:
We also will be giving honorable mentions to the best nominees which are pretty damn good, but didn’t win. For those, we will post your name and a link to your blog/webpage if you wish. If you don’t wish, then don’t give it to us…
For more information on last year’s winners, click here.
Your Blog/Website/Facebook Page so people can worship your brilliant nomination:
The Mickey Klutts Award for Unfortunate Naming
Previous Winner: Jim Bob Cooter, Detroit Lions quarterbacks coach/offensive coordinator
The Bobby Knight Award for Achievements in Dramatic Public Meltdowns
Previous Winner: Pennsylvania sports anchor Mike Zambelli
The Bevo and Ralphie Award for Mascot Buffoonery
Previous Winner: The New Orleans King Cake Baby Thing
The Budd Dwyer Award for Excellence in Career Suicide
Previous Winner: Donald Sterling, former owner of the Los Angeles Clippers
The Ed Hochuli Award for the Best Call
Previous Winner: The guy in the Ray Rice “wife-beater” T-shirt
The Jason Sehorn Award for Being Completely Overrated
Previous Winner: The San Francisco 49ers
The Clinton-Nixon Award for Cover-Up Futility
Previous Winner: Roger Goodell and the mishandling of the domestic violence issue
The Charles O. Finley Award for Achievements in Cheap
Previous Winner: The Kansas City Royals
The Joe Kapp Award for Being Run Out of Town
Previous Winner: Former New York Jets’ head coach Rex Ryan
The Bobby Layne Award for Best Performance While Drunk
Previous Winner: Olympic Swimmer Michael Phelps
The Artis Gilmore Award for Achievements in Hair Boldness
Previous Winner: Orlando Magic guard Elfrid Payton
The Kyle Orton Award for Achievements in Partying
Previous Winner: Seattle Seahawks bruiser-back Marshawn Lynch
The Vasily Alexseyev Award For Plus-Sized Achievements
Previous Winner: Jared Lorenzen, quarterback of the Arena League’s Northern Kentucky River Monsters
The Jamie Moyer Award for Excellence in Geriatrics
Previous Winner: Professional golfer Fred Couples
The Vinko Bogotaj Award For Epic Failure
Previous Winner: The New England Patriots Twitter Feed
The Joe Theismann Award For Gruesome Injuries
Previous Winner: Indiana Pacers forward Paul George and Kansas State safety Dylan Schellenberg
The Gene Mauch Lifetime Achievement Award
This award is given annually to somebody who has been around forever, but never won anything.
Previous Winner: Long-time NFL head coach Marty Schottenheimer
Nominations will be accepted until 3 p.m. Eastern (U.S.) time on Wednesday, December 30th, 2015.
Let your voice be heard, Dubsists. There’s over a million of you out there, so let’s really make these awards mean something…we simply cannot let the ESPYs stand as the standard in sports awards. Who gives a shit about what “30 by 30″ movie was the best? Let’s make sure we are giving award for things we care about.
After all, aren’t we as the fans what make sports matter in the first place?
I have a feeling this is gonna be the best Dubsy’s ever. Maybe a Red Carpet Pre-Show and a Live Podcast of the Dubsy Awards is appropriate?
Anything is possible, except Joan Rivers is dead.
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Her memory lives on. What a body of work she does leave behind to draw from. I think of Ryan Seacrest at times as the next Joan.
Does Seacrest have a goofy-looking daughter to ride his coat-tails?
Not that he knows of…yet.