by Eight Thirty Seven with assistance from J-Dub and Jason from Indiana

As much as we’d all like to pretend the following fact is not true, we are all going to die. Death as defined as the cessation of life is every bit as real as the fact that none of us are going to win the lottery, and we’re probably going to have to deal with seeing Kanye West more than we’d like to over the course of the next decade. Sometimes life really sucks. What sucks even more is that eventually we’re all going that big liquor cabinet in the sky, and there isn’t a damn thing any of us can do about it. What’s yet even more disturbing than that is some of us are closer our fate than we realize. After reading this, you could get T-boned by a semi truck and every one of your family…