What your view of sports and life would be if you had too many concussions
Once again, we here at Dubsism feel the need to provide you, the blog-reading public with some crucial information which otherwise might escape you. This is because there’s an important lesson to be learned about American politics buried within the English Premier League (EPL). While Claudio Ranieri and Bernie Sanders don’t really resemble each other enough to be part of our Sports Doppelgangers series, that didn’t stop our crack research team here at Dubsism from noticing some commonalities shared by Ranieri’s EPL champion Leicester City Foxes and the Democratic presidential candidate.
1) They Came Out Of Nowhere
Remember when Bernie Sanders announced the launch of his presidential campaign? There wasn’t enough people there to fill up an airport shuttle bus. Now the guy peddles his socialist nonsense to arenas full of economic illiterates. It’s really amazes us all here at Dubsism that this guy has gone as far as he has without anybody noticing all he is doing is running for homecoming queen by promising blowjobs for everybody knowing full well his lips will fall off within the first 20 minutes.
Likewise, 18 months ago Leicester was on the verge of being relegated out of the top flight of English football, and in a few short months from now they will be introducing themselves to the royalty of European soccer
2) They Were Helped By The Fall of Giants
Leicester’s path to the top was cleared by the demise of Chelsea, the stagnancy of Manchester United, the impotence of Manchester City, and the recent chronic mediocrity of Arsenal. Realistically down the stretch, the only other horse in the race was ridden by Tottenham Hotspur, but even they couldn’t run down the Foxes.
Meanwhile, Sanders really got the “free square” in the electoral Bingo game. His rise as the face of the New American Left is completely predicated on the fact that Hilary Clinton is despised and mistrusted by legions of Democrats. Oh, it also helps that the Democratic party completely lacks even the semblance of an inspirational leader.
If you doubt that, stop to consider what would have happened if a) defending EPL champion Chelsea didn’t disintegrate early in the campaign and b) Donald Trump had run as a Democrat? One can make the argument that Leicester City may have been just fine given they quality of football they played throughout the season, but you know damn good and well Bernie Sanders would have been gorilla-stomped just like all those lame-ass Republicans.
3) They Aren’t Really the “Establishment,” But They Kind of Are
Bernie Sanders likes to claim that he’s not the “establishment” candidate, and he’s right about that. It’s also why he has no chance to win, but we’ll discuss that in a bit. Bernie loves having you know that he’s only been a member of the Democratic party for a little over a year, but he’s doesn’t want you to remember he was a member of the Senate as an Independent since 2007 and a member of the House of Representatives since 1991.
In other words, Bernie wants you think he’s an “outsider” despite the fact he’s been a part of the machine for 25 years.
When it comes to Leicester City, we all get what a great story their ascendancy to the pinnacle of English football has been, but we must not forget in order to win the top league, they first had to be in it. That means there are plenty of football fans in England who have never seen their club in the top flight who while they may enjoy the Leicester story for what it is still would rather it be their club.
4) They Prove Anything Is Possible
Realistically, the analogy to Leicester’s championship in American sports is Villanova winning the NCAA basketball championship in 1985. Villanova still has a small arena in which a model railroading club I’m affiliated with used to hold meetings. How many of NCAA champs can you think of are renting out their buildings for a few extra bucks? Leicester will be in the Champions League next season, which means at some point they will play host in quaint, little King Power Stadium to soccer leviathans like Barcelona, Bayern Munich, or Juventus.
Even more realistically, what Sanders has accomplished in his Quixotic run at the America political windmill is remarkable when you stop to consider he’s a far-left guy running in a country which is essentially center-right. Regardless of the side, it’s very rare for a candidate to get this far in the process being as far from the center as Sanders is; it’s even rarer to do so in a general election.
5) The Million-Dollar Question
I already know what you are thinking. Leicester won the league, but I’m on record as saying Bernie Sanders has no chance of winning. There’s an easy explanation for that. Unlike the Democratic primary, the EPL isn’t a rigged game. In soccer, you get three points for a win, one point for a draw, and the team who has the most points after 38 games is the winner. It’s that simple. There aren’t any super-delegates, weird election rules, or secret committees to screw with the results.
Not to mention, at 74 years old, I’m pretty sure Bernie Sanders couldn’t pull off a bicycle kick.