Think You’re a Chicago Cubs Fan? Here’s a Test to Prove It
Now that the Chicago Cubs are a sexy pick to win the World Series, their fan base has swelled with the ranks of the ever-present “band-wagon jumpers.” One of my best definitions for such a fan is somebody who claims to be a “life-long” fan, and yet they know nothing about the team’s history. You know the type; the New England Patriots’ fans who can’t tell you who the starting quarterback was before Tom Brady, the Cleveland Cavalier fan who never heard of Mark Price, or the new Los Angeles Rams fan who has no idea who Fred Dryer was.
There was a time when I created a quiz in order to separate “life-long” Patriots fans from the honest-to-goodness ones. Sadly, it has become clear that just such a test in now needed for the Chicago Cubs.
Don’t bother being that guy who web-searches the answers and sends them to us; this is more about being asked to produce answers on demand because honest-to-goodness Cub fans would know a passing score of these without consulting an electronic device. Precisely because people can “cheat” by insta-searching the internet, be aware that some of these may be “trick” questions, may have multiple acceptable answers, or are “essay” questions. Questions are of varying value based on difficulty and level of fandom needed to know the answer.
- In 25 words or less, describe the historical significance of Lee Elia. (15 pts.)
- What was the “Shawon-o-Meter?” (10 pts.)
- Finish the following Harry Caray call: “It might be, it could be, ____ ____!” (15 pts.)
- Whose bid to buy the Cubs was rejected by MLB before the team was sold to Tom Ricketts? (12 pts.)
- Describe the story behind the “Curse of the Billy Goat,” then give more than one reason why you either accept or reject the premise of the curse. (15 pts.)
- True or False: Before working for the Cubs, Harry Caray worked for the White Sox, Cardinals, and Oakland A’s. (5 pts.)
- There have been five Chicago Cubs to win the Cy Young Award. Name three of them, then compare and contrast their pitching styles. (20 pts.)
- In the movie “Back to the Future,” in which year were the Cubs supposed to win the World Series? (5 pts.)
- Name your all-time favorite Cub and give three reasons why you picked them. (15 pts.)
- True or False: When the lights were first installed at Wrigley Field in 1988, the Cubs were only allowed by city ordinance to play 20 night games per year. (5 pts.)
- Explain the meaning of “Tinker to Evers to Chance.” (15 pts.)
- What is the name of the Chicago Cubs’ parent company? (15 pts.)
- Six Cubs have won the Rookie of the Year Award. Name three of them along with a brief description of their careers. (20 pts.)
- Name a former Cub you believe should be in the Hall of Fame, and describe why in 100 words or less. (25 pts.)
- Give three reasons why the Cubs lost the 2003 NLCS to the Florida Marlins WITHOUT blaming the “Steve Bartman” incident. (30 pts.)
- Explain the origin of the name “Cubs.” (20 pts.)
- True or False: Poet Carl Sandburg described Chicago as the “hog butcher to the world,” which is why before the ball park was built, the land Wrigley Field sits on was home to a slaughterhouse. (5 pts.)
- Which famous movie fugitives from the law listed Wrigley Field as their home address? (5 pts.)
- Describe what you believe to be the worst trade in Cubs history and explain why you believe that. (20 pts.)
- Explain former Cubs owner William and Phillip Wrigley’s role in the westward expansion of baseball in the 1950’s and 60’s. (50 pts.)
Tiebreaker Questions:
- Name for whom the structure now known as Wrigley Field was originally built.
- The “Cubs” weren’t always the “Cubs.” Name the original nickname of the team, along with at least two others.
- Give three reasons why it took so long for Ron Santo to be inducted into the Hall of Fame.
There’s 336 total points available in these questions (not including the tiebreakers), a number in honor of Riggs Stephenson’s career .336 batting average; the highest for anybody with at least 3500 plate appearances in a Cub uniform.
So, there’s a few ways to play here. You can score yourself at home, and if that makes you feel comfortable in your level of Cub fandom, then our work here is done.
Or, you can send your answers to Dubsism@yahoo.com and get your official Dubsism grade. The reason you’ll want to do that is two-fold. First, just because you have an answer for our essay questions doesn’t mean you have a good answer, and we reserve the right to grade you accordingly. Not to mention, the person with the highest scores who sends us their answers will get them published and we’ll send you an official certificate proclaiming your status as the most knowledge Cubs fans amongst your fellow Dubsists. Keep in mind that if you web-search the answers, we’re going to know, and we will heap scorn and derision upon you.
For those of you scoring at home, congratulations! (rimshot) But seriously, folks…the grading system works like this:
- 331-336: You’re a bigger cheater than two steroid-pumped Russian track athletes having extra-marital sado-masochistic sex beating each other with corked baseball bats.
- 330 – 290: You’re either a cheater or an uber-nerd. Either way, it’s your conscience.
- 289-240: You’re either an exceptional Cubs fan or a cheater who doesn’t get the idea behind cheating.
- 239-186: You’re an above-average Cubs fan or a below-average cheater.
- 185-130: If you were attending “Cubs University,” you would exemplify the saying “C’s get degrees.”
- 129-65: Your Cubs cap has one of those adjustable plastic straps.
- 64-0: You understood we were talking about the Cubs and not the Bears, right?
There you have it, so-called Cubs fans. This is like the scene in the old war movies where Germans wearing American uniforms are infiltrating behind the lines. They aren’t really Cubs fans, they are just pretending to be for a short-term purposes. Since the Cubs don’t suck now, the “band-wagon jumpers and pink hats” are everywhere, which means the real, long-suffering Cubs fans need to prove themselves.
Much like the cliché in those old war movies, we are just asking the suspicious guy who doesn’t know the password to prove who he is by telling us who won the World Series in 1936. We also made it more difficult than just saying “Yankees.”
In other words, you can call yourself a Cubs fan all you want. After all, we now live in a country where self-identification matters. But if you want others to recognize you as the real deal, it’s time to take the test.
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