The J-Dub Gambling Challenge 2017: Saturdaius Primus
There’s really no need to give a big preamble here. Saturdaius Primus is the first of the Twelve Greatest Saturdays of the Year according to the Dubsism Liturgical Calendar. I know that gave that “Week Zero” stuff last week, and even though they call it that, it was still worth a net profit of $29. That means we start the first official week of the college football betting season with a bankroll of $5,029.
Yeah, 29 bucks won’t even get you a bottle of Maker’s Mark, and believe me, alcohol comes in handy on those weeks when you spend Sunday figuring out what you’re pawning to make the house payment. But that’s why this is the start of a marathon, not a sprint. That’s a good thing, because you never see people handing out those Gatorade cups during sprints; and we all know anything involving college football entails a lot of drinking from plastic cups.
Having said that, let’s get ready to gamble…
DISCLAIMER: Because gambling is illegal at Bushwood, sir… and when it comes to gambling, I slice like Jack the Ripper working the deli coumter on crystal meth. That’s why this in no way, shape or form is a gambling advice column, and all “bets” are mythical in nature. In other words, don’t come crying to me when you lose your house payment betting real money like I’m “betting” Monopoly money.
- Colorado State at Colorado (-5.5) O/U 66 $50 Colorado State
- Boston College (-3.5) at Northern Illinois O/U 52 $50 Northern Illinois
- Wyoming at Iowa (-11.5) O/U 52.5 $30 Wyoming, $50 Under
- California at North Carolina (-12) O/U 55.5 $200 North Carolina
- Florida at Michigan (-4) O/U 44.5 $50 Florida
- Temple at Notre Dame (-18.5) O/U 54 $25 Temple, $50 Over
- Alabama (-7.5) at Florida State O/U 49.5 $100 Alabama
- Texas A&M at UCLA (-3.5) O/U 56.5 $50 Texas A&M, $100 Over
- West Virginia at Virginia Tech (-4.0) O/U 51.5 $75 Virginia Tech
- Tennessee (-3) at Georgia Tech O/U 56 $150 Tennessee
The Dubsism College Football Heavyweight Champ Bet:
Kent State at Clemson (-39) O/U 51
$100 Over
J-Dub’s Payday of the Week:
Kentucky (-10.5) at Southern Mississippi O/U 57.5
$250 Southern Mississippi
Here’s the deal. Yeah, I know nobody has given a shit about Southern Mississippi football since Brett Favre a quarter-century ago. That’s why this Payday might get under everybody’s radar. This Southern Miss team getting 10.5 at home is the same one that went into Lexington lat year and won. I couldn’t tell you the last time Southern Miss played a game that mattered to anybody outside of Hattiesburg, which means a middlin’-to-shitty team like Kentucky has win by 11 after walking into walk into a home-crowd buzzsaw who because they started tailgating on Monday by Saturday will be out of Solo Cups which means they will be guzzling booze cheaper than what I drink out of Frisbees, hubcaps, and whatever else they can scrounge. Good luck with that, Kentucky.
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Speaking of gambling at Bushwood, I’ll be doing my weekly pick fives like I did last year. Fifty bones to the winner at the end of the season.
Because I’m liquid.
https://polldaddy.com/js/rating/rating.js
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Liquidity is nice, but given where this country is heading combined with my gambling issues, I’m sticking with canned goods and shotguns.
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