What your view of sports and life would be if you had too many concussions
After the original post for this year’s installments of the J-Dub Gambling Challenge, I made reference to high holy days on the Dubsism calendar. This led to many loyal Dubsists asking exactly what is the Dubsism calendar, and what are its “high holy days?” Let’s be honest, since I’m a blogger and a degenerate gambler, I could probably use some churching up.
Having said that, Dubsism isn’t really a religion, and I’m not really religious. But, it was the movie Bull Durham which brought us “the church of baseball.” However, for purposes of full disclosure, I was raised Catholic…extremely Catholic. If you go into a Catholic church on one of the “big holidays,” you will notice a much larger than normal congregation because there are are large number of “occasional Catholics” who show up for the big days. These are broken into two categories:
In the immortal words of comedian Ron White, I’m telling you a story so I can tell you a story. You can always tell the “occasional Catholics” since they are the ones who would always be watching one little old lady in the front row so they would know when to get up, get down, kneel, do the “sign of the cross,” and all the other gyrations I call “Cath-aerobics.” At Our Lady of Perpetual Misery on Girard Avenue in Philadelphia, that old lady was my grandmother.
In other words, that proximity to Catholicism explains a lot about me, particularly my “Irish” level of alcoholism. But it also explains my love of structure, which is why the Dubsism Calendar exists. You see, there are simply certain times of the year where so many wonderful things in the world of sport are going on that there simply can’t be any other reason for them than divine intervention.
With that, here is the official Dubsism Calendar for the High Holy Days of sports fandom.
Festum Adventus – The 3rd Sunday in February: This marks the beginning of the Dubsism liturgical season; the opening of Spring Training
The Four Vernal Festivals – Four festivals celebrating the end of Winter and the beginning of Spring
Omnes Stellata Divulsionem – The second Tuesday in July – The Celebration of the Baseball All-Star break, and usually my birthday and that of my blog brother SportsChump
The Month of Ascension – August – a 30-day period of reflection as a run-up to Saturdaius Primus
The Feast of Kirbius Maximus* – August 29th – Reflection of “The Weekend in Milwaukee” In two games against the Brewers, Kirby Puckett went 10 for 11 with 6 RBI and robbed future Hall of Famer Robin Yount of a game-tying home run. The Twins never relinquished their lead in the AL West on their way to a World Series Championship. This marks the day I accepted Kirby Puckett as my lord and personal savior.
Saturdaius Primus – The First Saturday in September – The Traditional Opening of College Football Season; the first of the Twelve Greatest Saturdays of the Year
Septem Diebus Mundi Seriesium – The Days and Nights of the World Series
Saturdaius Tandem – The 4th Saturday of of November – The last of the Twelve Greatest Saturdays of the Year
Festum Paterno Nostro* – December 21st – Joe Paterno’s birthday
New Year’s Day – January 1st:The traditional celebration of the College Football Bowl Season
* In order to be the most accommodating quasi-religion in the universe, confirmed Dubsists get two “wild-card” holidays they can move to any date they wish. If you’re a Packers fan, and you want one of your high holy days to be Vince Lombardi’s birthday…you can do that. Are you a New York Knicks fan and want the anniversary of the 1970 “Willis Reed Game 7” to be one of your celebrations? You can do that. We are all about inclusion here at Dubsism.
The important part really isn’t the dates. The important part is the love of sports. That’s the primary commandment for being a Dubsist.