The J-Dub Gambling Challenge: Let 2017 Begin…Even If It’s Early!
It always used to be that the real action in terms of bet-able college football co-incided with the arrival of Labor Day Weekend. That means on the Dubsism Liturgical Calendar we also from the month of Ascension to the Twelve Greatest Saturdays of the Year. That also usually meant Labor Day Weekend brought the return of the J-Dub Gambling Challenge.
This year brings us games which are perfectly playable before the first weekend in September. This caused some consternation here at Dubsism World Headquarters because there was a debate as to whether this necessitated a shift in the Dubsism Liturgical Calendar. Betting during the Twelve Greatest Saturdays of the Year is a sacrament.
But what happens when the good lord brings you chances to worship at the altar of gambling before the usual proscribed season? Do we ignore those chances because the calendar says it isn’t yet time? What happens if the calendar is wrong? After all, the exact date of birth for Jesus is never mentioned in any of the 1,784 versions of the Christian Bible. Fuck, nobody really even knows the year.
Most biblical scholars believe the birth of Jesus probably didn’t happen in Year 1. Most agree it was somewhere between 2 B.C. and 7 A.D., which is one of the main reasons the Christian calendar regardless of the version doesn’t have a Year Zero. They all go from 1 B.C. to 1 A.D.
That ambiguity meant whatever sect of Christianity to which you subscribed might just have it’s own date to celebrate Christ’s birth. It was the year 336 A.D. when the first time the holiday we now know as Christmas was celebrated on December 25th. That’s because the Constantine, the first Christian Roman Emperor, decided that’s when it would be. A few years later, Pope Julius I made that official trough a papal bull.
Again, there’s a debate as to the reason for that, but this is a post about gambling, not a Sunday School lesson. The decision was made that there wouldn’t be a Julian-esque “gerry-mander” of the calendar; instead we would borrow a page from the playbook of the NFL. After all, the NFL is the one who brought us the concept of a meaningless “pre-season” which comes with full-on regular season prices.
We’ll just call these pre-Labor Day weekend games the college football gambling “pre-season.” The appeal of Hawaii-Massachusetts doesn’t have the pull of Florida State-Alabama just like the NFL pre-season feeds your football fix by giving you games full of guys who will be loading trucks at UPS next week. You’ll watch those games because you are as hooked on football as I am betting on it.
Hello, I’m J-Dub, and I’m a degenerate gambler.
For those of you new to the J-Dub Gambling Challenge, this is all about a return to my days as a bookie. I start the season with $5,000 and I wager on college football games. I bet both sides and totals and I don’t do that stupid “money line” horseshit. Just like you, I have to factor the “juice” into all profits/losses, and you get to painlessly follow the hemorrhaging as we travel through the season.
Now, let’s get ready to gamble…
DISCLAIMER: Because gambling is illegal at Bushwood, sir… and when it comes to gambling, I slice like Jack the Ripper working the deli coumter on crystal meth. That’s why this in no way, shape or form is a gambling advice column, and all “bets” are mythical in nature. In other words, don’t come crying to me when you lose your house payment betting real money like I’m “betting” Monopoly money.
- Oregon State at Colorado State (-2) O/U 60.5 – $30 Colorado State
- Hawaii at Massachusetts (-2.5) O/U 61.5 – $20 Massachusetts
- South Florida (-13.5) at San Jose State O/U 71.5 – $20 South Florida, $20 Over
- Stanford (-30.5) at Rice O/U 51 – $75 Over J-Dubs Lock of the Week
Yeah, I know it doesn’t seem to be “real” gambling pitting $182 worth of total action versus a $5,000 bankroll. But then again, “pre-season” NFL football charges you full-price to watch guys who will be updating their Snagajob.com profiles by this time next week. Since we’re not moving the calendar, the “real” bets start dropping next week.
That brings us to the question we’ll be asking for the next twelve thirteen weekends: Will it be steak and eggs for breakfast on Sunday morning, or will it be yet another desperate trip to the plasma center on Monday? In the immortal words of 80’s super-group Asia, only time will tell (Vegas has “plasma” at 7/2).
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