The Full-On Dubsism 2017 College Football Preview

Those of you in the know when it comes to Dubsism understand that college football Saturdays are high holy days on this blog.  That’s why we are here to give you the “411” on what to watch for in this upcoming season so that you, the blog-reading public, can revel in the same amount of enjoyment as we do in one the greatest fucking sports on this planet.  Another reason why we do it is there is a rule in the blogosphere that says if you tag more than three posts with “college football,” you are required to do a pre-season ranking. Failure to do so will get your nose flayed and your genitals set on fire.

We really don’t want burning junk or Frank Thomas-sized nostrils.  But we also don’t want to do the usual sport-o-blog crap you can get from 25,000 other places on the web.  That’s why we try to add some nuance.

If you’re looking for a simple “Top 25” list, you’re in more of a wrong place that a guy named Robert Lee at ESPN.  Here at Dubsism we are believers in the yin and yang of things, which means we don’t believe in just the shop-worn “Top 25;” we subscribe to the to the theory that any true ranking must be comprehensive.  In concert with that, we also subscribe to the theory that any pre-season bloggery should include some pointers as to what to watch for.

Why? Because for every team that should be admired for its prowess, there is one that should be pitied for its ineptitude. Along with that, some fans really need some help looking for the things turd-pumps like ESPN won’t tell them.

The Working Hypotheses For 2017

Let’s cut through the bullshit here; that’s science-geeky way of saying “Here’s the main concepts on which we are basing most of our conclusions.”  That also means these are things we will come back to in January and wonder “What the fuck were we smoking when we dreamed up this shit?”

1) The SEC is the best conference in the country, period.

The people that are trying to sell you the notion the ACC rules the college football world simply don’t understand college football.  Yeah, I understand Clemson is the current Dubsism Heavyweight Champion, but I also understand the Tigers star quarterback is now property of the Houston Texans.

There’s simply no argument that counters this fact: The SEC has more talent top-to-bottom than any other conference. It is not your father’s SEC, which was really Alabama and everybody else. Scroll down and look at the conference break-down.  Tell me who you like better: #8 in the SEC or #8 in the ACC.  We both know Tennessee goes into that hypothetical game as not not-so-hypothetical two-touchdown favorite.

2) The B1G Ten is the second-best conference in the country, period.

Call me biased if you will because for purposes of full disclosure, I’m a B1G Ten guy.  I’m a B1G Ten fan and I live in the heart of B1G Ten country.  The B1G Ten and the SEC are the two conferences which consistently export the most talent to the NFL.  The biggest knock on this conference is it has a long history of gagging on it comes bowl season.

I think that’s because the B1g Ten is to college football what the English Premier League is to European soccer.  It’s the league with the most money, it’s the league with the most old-school prestige, but it’s teams spend the regular season bludgeoning each other so badly that they are literally limping across the finish line come January.

3) It’s time to talk about the Big 12 not being a “Power 5” conference anymore.

Of the “Power 5” conferences, the Big 12 is the only one with just a single team in the Top 15.  Do you know how many teams have made the new play-off format who start the season ranked outside the Top 15? Zero. The odds were also prohibitive against non-preseason Top 15 teams making it into the old BCS format as well.

4) The odds are the Heisman Trophy winner isn’t on this list.

• Sam Darnold, USC, 9-2
• Baker Mayfield, Oklahoma, 10-1
• Lamar Jackson, Louisville, 10-1
• J.T. Barrett, Ohio State, 12-1
• Saquon Barkley, Penn State, 15-1
• Jake Browning, Washington, 15-1

By the time we are talking about Play-Off rankings, the chances are there will be a Heisman candidate nobody is talking about right now. Think about it. Of the winners in the last five years, three of them weren’t on anybody’s radar at the beginning of their trophy-winning season.  That means its more likely there another Johnny Manziel, Jamies Winston, or Lamar Jackson out there than any of those favorites hoisting the Heisman.

The Breakdown By Conference

Here’s another thing you won’t get from the standa-boring, garden-variety “Top 25” list.  We here at Dubsism give you an ranking of the conferences, which is then broken down by rankiing the teams with in that conference.

You’re welcome.

Not Counted) The Independents

Let’s be honest, we really don’t know what to do with these guys since this section is about ranking conferences and then team within a conference.  That gets hard to do with teams who don’t belong to a conference.

Let’s be even more honest.  Only BYU really matters out of this group.  The Cougars are likely headed for a pretty good mid-range bowl.  The only other bowl team amongst the indies is Army who has a contractual obligation once they hit 6 wins, and they could easily be one of those 5-win bowlers based on that whole GPA thing.

1. Overall # 31, BYU
2. Overall # 68, Notre Dame
3. Overall # 104, Army
4. Overall # 111, Massachusetts

1) Southeastern Conference

1. Overall # 1 Alabama, #1 SEC West
2. Overall # 3 LSU, #2 SEC West
3. Overall # 7 Auburn, #3 SEC West
4. Overall # 13 Florida, #1 SEC East
5. Overall # 15 Texas A&M, #4 SEC West
6. Overall # 16 Georgia, #2 SEC East
7. Overall # 23 Arkansas, #5 SEC West
8. Overall # 25 Tennessee, #3 SEC East
9. Overall # 27 Mississippi State, #6 SEC West
10. Overall # 29 Mississippi, #7 SEC West
11. Overall # 32 South Carolina, #4 SEC East
12. Overall # 39 Kentucky, #5 SEC East
13. Overall # 46 Missouri, #6 SEC East
14. Overall # 60 Vanderbilt, #7 SEC East

2) B1G Ten

1. Overall # 2 Ohio State, #1 B1G Ten East
2. Overall # 6 Penn State, #2 B1G Ten East
3. Overall # 11 Wisconsin, #1 B1G Ten West
4. Overall # 12 Michigan, #3 B1G Ten East
5. Overall # 35 Northwestern, #2 B1G Ten West
6. Overall # 43 Nebraska, #3 B1G Ten West
7. Overall # 47 Michigan State, #4 B1G Ten East
8. Overall # 50 Iowa, #4 B1G Ten West
9. Overall # 53 Indiana, #5 B1G Ten East
10. Overall # 56 Minnesota, #5 B1G Ten West
11. Overall # 77 Purdue, #6 B1G Ten West
12. Overall # 79 Maryland, #6 B1G Ten East
13. Overall # 87 Illinois, #7 B1G Ten West
14. Overall # 91 Rutgers, #7 B1G Ten East

3) Pac-12

1. Overall # 9 Southern California, #1 Pac-12 South
2. Overall # 10 Stanford, #1 Pac-12 North
3. Overall # 14 Washington, #2 Pac-12 North
4. Overall # 20 Oregon, #3 Pac-12 North
5. Overall # 30 Washington State, #4 Pac-12 North
6. Overall # 36 UCLA, #2 Pac-12 South
7. Overall # 44 Utah, #3 Pac-12 South
8. Overall # 48 Colorado, #4 Pac-12 South
9. Overall # 51 California,#5  Pac-12 North
10. Overall # 57 Arizona State, #5 Pac-12 South
11. Overall # 59 Oregon State, #6 Pac-12 North
12. Overall # 70 Arizona, #6 Pac-12 South

4) Atlantic Coast Conference

1. Overall # 4 Clemson, #1 ACC Atlantic
2. Overall # 5 Florida State, #2 ACC Atlantic
3. Overall # 17 Louisville, #3 ACC Atlantic
4. Overall # 19 Virginia Tech, #1 ACC Coastal
5. Overall # 22 Miami, #2 ACC Coastal
6. Overall # 33 Pittsburgh, #3 ACC Coastal
7. Overall # 38 NC State, #4 ACC Atlantic
8. Overall # 40 North Carolina,  #4 ACC Coastal
9. Overall # 42 Georgia Tech , #5 ACC Coastal
10. Overall # 61 Syracuse, #5 ACC Atlantic
11. Overall # 63 Wake Forest , #6 ACC Atlantic
12. Overall # 66 Duke, #6 ACC Coastal
13. Overall # 75 Boston College, #7 ACC Atlantic
14. Overall # 78 Virginia, #7 ACC Coastal

5) Big 12

1. Overall # 8, Oklahoma
2. Overall # 18, Oklahoma State
3. Overall # 21, TCU
4. Overall # 24, Texas
5. Overall # 28, Kansas State
6. Overall # 34, Baylor
7. Overall # 64, Iowa State
8. Overall # 67, Texas Tech
9. Overall # 71, West Virginia
10. Overall # 127, Kansas

6) Mountain West Conference

1. Overall # 26 Boise State, MWC Mountain
2. Overall # 45 Colorado State, MWC Mountain
3. Overall # 49 San Diego State, MWC West
4. Overall # 72 Utah State, MWC Mountain
5. Overall # 83 Wyoming, MWC Mountain
6. Overall # 99 San Jose State, MWC West
7. Overall # 103 Hawaii, MWC West
8. Overall # 109 Fresno State, MWC West
9. Overall # 110 New Mexico, MWC Mountain
10. Overall # 114 Air Force, MWC Mountain
11. Overall # 116 Nevada, MWC West
12. Overall # 117 UNLV, MWC West

7) American Athletic Conference

1. Overall # 37 Houston, AAC West
2. Overall # 55 Navy, AAC West
3. Overall # 58 South Florida, AAC East
4. Overall # 62 Memphis, AAC West
5. Overall # 65 Temple, AAC East
6. Overall # 73 Tulsa, AAC West
7. Overall # 80 Cincinnati, AAC East
8. Overall # 81 Central Florida, AAC East
9. Overall # 82 SMU, AAC West
10. Overall # 95 Tulane, AAC West
11. Overall # 101 East Carolina, AAC East
12. Overall # 124 Connecticut, AAC East

8 -Tie) Conference USA

1. Overall # 41 Western Kentucky, CUSA East
2. Overall # 84 Louisiana Tech, CUSA West
3. Overall # 86 Southern Mississippi, CUSA West
4. Overall # 90 Middle Tennessee, CUSA East
5. Overall # 93 UTSA, CUSA West
6. Overall # 94 Old Dominion, CUSA East
7. Overall # 97 Florida Atlantic, CUSA East
8. Overall # 102 Marshall, CUSA East
9. Overall # 106 Florida International, CUSA East
10. Overall # 107 North Texas, CUSA West
11. Overall # 119 Rice, CUSA West
12. Overall # 125 UTEP, CUSA West
13. Overall # 126 Charlotte, CUSA East
14. Overall # 128 UAB, CUSA West

8 – Tie) Mid-America Conference

1. Overall # 52 Toledo, MAC West
2. Overall # 69 Western Michigan, MAC West
3. Overall # 74 Northern Illinois, MAC West
4. Overall # 88 Ball State, MAC West
5. Overall # 89 Miami (OH), MAC East
6. Overall # 96 Bowling Green, MAC East
7. Overall # 98 Eastern Michigan, MAC West
8. Overall # 100 Central Michigan, MAC West
9. Overall # 105 Ohio, MAC East
10. Overall # 121 Akron, MAC East
11. Overall # 122 Kent State, MAC East
12. Overall # 130 Buffalo, MAC East

9) Sun Belt

1. Overall # 54 Appalachian State, Sun Belt
2. Overall # 76 Troy, Sun Belt
3. Overall # 85 Arkansas State, Sun Belt
4. Overall # 92 Georgia Southern  Sun Belt
5. Overall # 108 South Alabama, Sun Belt
6. Overall # 112 UL-Lafayette, Sun Belt
7. Overall # 113 Georgia State, Sun Belt
8. Overall # 115 Coastal Carolina, Sun Belt
9. Overall # 118 Idaho, Sun Belt
10. Overall # 120 UL-Monroe, Sun Belt
11. Overall # 123 New Mexico State, Sun Belt
12. Overall # 129 Texas State, Sun Belt

The Full-On, Full Meal Deal, Mega-Scrolling, Everybody, Everything Including The Kitchen Sink List

1. Alabama,  SEC
2. Ohio State, Big Ten
3. LSU, SEC
4. Clemson, ACC
5. Florida State, ACC
6. Penn State,  Big Ten
7. Auburn, SEC
8. Oklahoma, Big 12
9. Southern California, Pac-12
10. Stanford, Pac-12
11. Wisconsin, Big Ten
12. Michigan, Big Ten
13. Florida, SEC
14. Washington, Pac-12
15. Texas A&M, SEC
16. Georgia, SEC
17. Louisville, ACC
18. Oklahoma State, Big 12
19. Virginia Tech, ACC
20. Oregon, Pac-12
21. TCU, Big 12
22. Miami, ACC
23. Arkansas, SEC
24. Texas, Big 12
25. Tennessee, SEC
26. Boise State, MWC
27. Mississippi State, SEC
28. Kansas State, Big 12
29. Mississippi, SEC
30. Washington State, Pac-12
31. BYU, Independent
32. South Carolina, SEC
33. Pittsburgh, ACC
34. Baylor, Big 12
35. Northwestern, Big Ten
36. UCLA, Pac-12
37. Houston, AAC
38. NC State, ACC
39. Kentucky, SEC
40. North Carolina, ACC
41. Western Kentucky.  CUSA
42. Georgia Tech, ACC
43. Nebraska, Big Ten
44. Utah, Pac-12
45. Colorado State, MWC
46. Missouri, SEC
47. Michigan State, Big Ten
48. Colorado, Pac-12
49. San Diego State, MWC
50. Iowa, Big Ten
51. California, Pac-12
52. Toledo, MAC
53. Indiana, Big Ten
54. Appalachian State, Sun Belt
55. Navy, AAC
56. Minnesota, Big Ten
57. Arizona State, Pac-12
58. South Florida, AAC
59. Oregon State, Pac-12
60. Vanderbilt, SEC
61. Syracuse, ACC
62. Memphis, AAC
63. Wake Forest, ACC
64. Iowa State, Big 12
65. Temple, AAC
66. Duke, ACC
67. Texas Tech, Big 12
68. Notre Dame, Independent
69. Western Michigan, MAC
70. Arizona, Pac-12
71. West Virginia, Big 12
72. Utah State, MWC
73. Tulsa, AAC
74. Northern Illinois, MAC
75. Boston College, ACC
76. Troy, Sun Belt
77. Purdue, Big Ten
78. Virginia, ACC
79. Maryland, Big Ten
80. Cincinnati, AAC
81. Central Florida, AAC
82. SMU, AAC
83. Wyoming, MWC
84. Louisiana Tech, CUSA
85. Arkansas State, Sun Belt
86. Southern Miss, CUSA
87. Illinois, Big Ten
88. Ball State, MAC
89. Miami (OH), MAC
90. Middle Tennessee, CUSA
91. Rutgers, Big Ten
92. Georgia Southern, Sun Belt
93. UTSA, CUSA
94. Old Dominion, CUSA
95. Tulane, AAC
96. Bowling Green, MAC
97. Florida Atlantic, CUSA
98. Eastern Michigan, MAC
99. San Jose State, MWC
100. Central Michigan, MAC
101. East Carolina, AAC
102. Marshall, CUSA
103. Hawaii, MWC
104. Army, Independent
105. Ohio, MAC
106. Florida International, CUSA
107. North Texas, CUSA
108. South Alabama, Sun Belt
109. Fresno State, MWC
110. New Mexico, MWC
111. Massachusetts, Independent
112. UL-Lafayette, Sun Belt
113. Georgia State, Sun Belt
114. Air Force, MWC
115. Coastal Carolina, Sun Belt
116. Nevada, MWC
117. UNLV, MWC
118. Idaho, Sun Belt
119. Rice, CUSA
120. UL-Monroe Sun Belt
121. Akron, MAC
122. Kent State, MAC
123. New Mexico State, Sun Belt
124. Connecticut, AAC
125. UTEP, CUSA
126. Charlotte, CUSA
127. Kansas, Big 12
128. UAB, CUSA
129. Texas State, Sun Belt
130. Buffalo, MAC

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About J-Dub

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2 comments on “The Full-On Dubsism 2017 College Football Preview”

1. ChrisHumpherys (@SportsChump)

   August 31, 2017

   

   I’m glad to hear that, going into this initial, college football post, no members of the Dubsism staff were suspended for committing any sort of NCAA violations, like credit card fraud or exchanging lap-tops.

   I’m sure it happened. I’m just impressed no one got caught.

   Or perhaps King Dub turned a blind eye to the violations.

   https://polldaddy.com/js/rating/rating.js

   LikeLike

   Reply
   • J-Dub

     August 31, 2017

     

     Our skeletons are buried right next to Joe Paterno.

     LikeLike

     Reply

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