What your view of sports and life would be if you had too many concussions
Hello…I’m J-Dub, and I’m a degenerate gambler.
There’s really no need to give a big preamble here. Saturdaius Primus is the first of the Twelve Greatest Saturdays of the Year according to the Dubsism Liturgical Calendar. As such, that means the return of the J-Dub Gambling Challenge.
If you are not familiar with this challenge, this is all about a return to my days as a bookie. I start the season with $5,000 and I wager on college football games. I bet both sides and totals and I don’t do that stupid “money line” horseshit. Just like you, I have to factor the “juice” into all profits/losses, and you get to painlessly follow the hemorrhaging as we travel through the season.
Speaking of hemorrhaging, that’s really the best term to describe last year’s challenge. It was the worst season I’ve ever had as a guy gambling on college football. You would have had to re-incarnate Casey Kasem to dish out more big hits than the bankroll took in 2017.
But as the old saying goes…that was then, and this is now. It’s a new season, and I’ve got a new bankroll. Last year’s total losses of nearly $2,500 are just that…in the past Three’s an old saying ;” in baseball about how “everybody is in first place on Opening Day;” the week before Saturdaius Primus nobody has been to the plasma center yet. In other words this is the time of year when everybody still has hope.
And that’s the beauty of the bitch goddess that is gambling; where hope can become elation or desperation on the unpredictable bounce of a weirdly-shaped ball.
LEGAL DISCLAIMER (mandated by our very own Small Town Pizza Lawyer):
Thanks to the Supreme Court, gambling is no longer illegal at Bushwood, sir. However, the Supreme Court can’t really help me unless one of them is willing to keep Mrs. J-Dub from braining me with a cast-iron skillet if she found out how many dimes I’m dropping on college football. That means that as far as she knows, all wagers are mythical in nature and this is in no way, shape, or form a gambling advice column. In other words, if you lose your own “real” money, that’s nobody’s fault but yours, so don’t yell at me when we meet at the plasma center on Monday.
Having said that, let’s get ready to gamble…
The Dubsism College Football Heavyweight Champ Bet:
Albany at Pittsburgh OFF (Albany is an FCS team)
J-Dub’s Payday of the Week:
Miami (FL) (-3.5) at Louisiana State O/U 48
$200 Louisiana State
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Good luck this season, sir.
May all your wagers be wise.
Thanks. But I’d rather win than be wise.