“The Patriot Way” Has A Not-So-Happy Ending
When the story first broke about New England Patriots’ owner Robert Kraft being charged with solicitation of prostitution, originally I had a split reaction. Part of me thought, “Holy shit, the interwebz are going to blow-up with the predictable jokes. As a sports blogger I am required by federal statue to at least dip my toe into that water, hence the headlining meme.
But it was the other part of my reaction that I want to get into here. I’m long on record being a critic of Robert Kraft. For me, it all started the first time I saw him; he wears what I not-so-lovingly refer to as “douche-bag shirts.” Anytime you see somebody wearing those dress shirts with the white collar on top of the blue body, you cast rest assured that person is a douche-bag. Only douche-bags wore those fucking things when they were fashionable twenty-five years ago, and it takes a dedicated douche-bag to keep wearing them now.
My initial dislike of Kraft only intensified the more I found out about him.
Strike One for this guy with me was the fuck-job he laid on the state of Connecticut when he brokered a deal that would have seen the state build a new stadium for the Patriots, until Kraft conjured up some bullshit about “construction delays” and bailed on the deal. Later, we discovered the real reason he ditched the Connecticut deal is because he got a sweeter one from the Commonwealth of Massachusetts in which it guaranteed the financing. This was at a time when government funding of stadium construction was falling out of favor with taxpayers, so Kraft sold this deal as being “privately funded,” when in reality had this deal fallen through, the taxpayers of Massachusetts would have been on the hook to pay Bobby’s tab since the Commonwealth guaranteed the financing.
Understanding the machinations of big-time financing can be confusing, so here’s the analogy for what Kraft did. He promised to marry his pregnant girlfriend, ditched her to marry his “side action,” and paid for that wedding by borrowing money from the pregnant girlfriend’s father. Maybe that’s where Tom Brady got the idea to take a powder on his pregnant girlfriend to marry a supermodel.
Strike Two came in the form of his handling of the Aaron Hernandez situation. This is when Bobby dished a heaping helping of crap in which he couldn’t seem to keep his own lies straight. To make a long story short, Bobby pumped out a bunch of bilge about “The Patriot Way,” which was a pantload about how “this organization does things differently.” Of course he says this while he has a former player going through a murder trial, Kraft himself is downplaying the fact that he fired the Patriots’ security director for telling him there was trouble coming with Aaron Hernandez, and then tried to sell the story that he and the Patriots were “duped” and/or “had no idea” about Hernandez’ shenanigans.
At least Bobby got one thing right about “The Patriot Way”…I don’t know any other NFL franchises associated with three murders and a prison suicide.
Now, we find out Bobby likes hanging around strip malls getting handies.
New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft, one of the NFL’s most influential figures, was charged with solicitation of prostitution Friday in connection with an investigation of several massage parlors in Florida suspected of involvement in human trafficking.
The 77-year-old billionaire, whose team won its sixth Super Bowl since 2002 this month, was videotaped on two separate occasions engaging in a sex act with an employee at Orchids of Asia Day Spa in Jupiter, Fla., police said at a news conference there Friday.
An arrest warrant for Kraft, a Massachusetts resident, will be issued next week for the prostitution-related charges, both misdemeanors, police said.
Again, the jokes are dripping out of this, especially once you get the visual of Bobby laying on a table naked under a towel popping Viagra like they are Tic-Tacs. Not to mention, who doesn’t just want to riff on “Orchids of Asia Day Spa?” If you go to any strip mall in America and you see a Chinese restaurant called “The Great Wall,” you know you’ve found a buffet. If you see a place called “Orchids of Asia Day Spa,” you know it’s a whole different kind of “all you can eat.”
The investigation into the spa Kraft visited, according to police, began in October, when police Googled the address of the business and noticed it was listed on websites that compile reviews of illicit massage parlors. In early January, police stopped several men, who admitted to paying for sex acts, as they drove away from the spa.
It’s not clear how police were able to place video cameras in the spa, but according to the affidavit, in a five-day span in January, 26 men were videotaped in the spa paying employees for oral and manual sex acts. Police declined to elaborate on their evidence against Kraft, other than to say he was among those who had been videotaped.
One thing we know for sure is Bobby isn’t going to be able to trot out the “duped/had no idea” defense…not only is the name a dead give-away, it was listed on the fucking web, complete with a review! Bobby knew this wasn’t “With Six You Get Egg Roll,” this was “For Sixty, You Get Happy Ending.”
Not only did he know exactly what he was getting into, but how could he not understand the risk he was taking? Kraft has been monstrously successful in business, which makes it hard to believe that he might be a moron, but this is some seriously stupid shit. Not only is there the obvious chance of getting your dumb-ass arrested, but is there a better time to rob a billionaire while he’s butt-naked and you have death-grip on his wang? While it’s possible the women working at the Orchids of Asia Day Spa may not recognize Bobby, it’s not hard to picture that in a business catering to men, they might have a TV in the lobby, and it just might be tuned to ESPN. Even if that’s not the case, you know damn good and well at some point there’s going to be another customer who watches football and could easily recognize Bobby. Next thing you know, “Hey, I just got a tugger next to Robert Kraft” is all over social media.
Having said all that, there’s a much more sinister side to this story than a rich, old skeevy pervert getting some cheap kicks.
The charges against Kraft stemmed from a months-long investigation of several massage parlors in three counties in southeast Florida suspected of forcing immigrant employees to engage in sex acts with customers, police said. Kraft was among 25 men facing prostitution-related charges whose names were released by police Friday…
…According to Sheriff William Snyder of Martin County, whose agency is also involved in the probe, more than 300 men caught as part of the broader investigation eventually will face charges.
“I know the story is about Kraft, but the bigger story in the moral universe is that these are trafficked women,” Snyder said. “These are women that are brought here from China under some kind of ruse, some promise of a job that never materialized because it was never there in the first place…”
…In a probable cause affidavit describing the charges against the women — Hua Zhang, 58, and Lei Wang, 39 — detectives wrote that they suspected trafficking at the spa because a health department investigator observed two rooms with beds and personal items, including medicine and clothing, and a refrigerator filled with food, “consistent with individuals living” at the establishment.
I’d give a big amount of cash to know what Kommissar Roger Goodell is thinking right now, because this is going to be a big problem. Don’t forget the NFL makes a huge show out of maintaining the illusion it cares about women’s issues; the NFL dedicates an entire month to profiting from breast cancer, and let’s not forget the maelstrom swirling around this league and it’s issues with domestic violence. But now, the problem facing Goodell and the rest of the leadership is Robert Kraft just so happens to be a very visible and influential part of the National Football League…and he’s also an active consumer of international sex-trafficking.
As far as the “food chain” of issues is concerned, having the owner of the NFL’s flagship franchise as an active participant in the sexual enslavement of women far outstrips some defensive end slapping his girlfriend around. Make no mistake…if Goodell and the NFL screw up the handling of this matter like they’ve done with so many others, there will be major repercussions. The NFL will do what it will, but as far as I’m concerned…that’s Strike Three, Bobby.
You’re out.
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Screw the videos, which will be all over the web faster than you can say Ray Rice. Hold on, I think I just threw up in my mouth.
I bet nothing would bring a smile to your face more than a snapshot of one of those button down shirts laying on the floor in the room by his “massage table” with just the audio of Mr. Kraft coming to completion.
At least now I know what to get you for Christmas.
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So, what am I getting? A terrible shirt or the “Director’s Cut” of a “Robert Kraft money shot?”
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Pats fan here.
All valid points, no rebuttal from me.
I appreciate you calling the pats the flagship franchise. I was in the stands for the 1 and 15 plus sex scandal season. They´ve come a long way (pun intended).
Nice blog, keep it up
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