The J-Dub Gambling Challenge 2019: Saturdaius Primus!
Hello…I’m J-Dub, and I’m a degenerate gambler.
There’s really no need to give a big preamble here. Saturdaius Primus is the first of the Twelve Greatest Saturdays of the Year according to the Dubsism Liturgical Calendar. As such, that means the return of the J-Dub Gambling Challenge.
If you are not familiar with this challenge, this is all about a return to my days as a bookie. I start the season with $5,000 and I wager on college football games. I bet both sides and totals and I don’t do that stupid “money line” horseshit. Just like you, I have to factor the “juice” into all profits/losses, and you get to painlessly follow the hemorrhaging as we travel through the season.
Speaking of hemorrhaging, that’s really the best term to describe last year’s challenge. It was the worst season I’ve ever had as a guy gambling on college football. You would have had to re-incarnate Casey Kasem to dish out more big hits than the bankroll took in 2018.
But as the old saying goes…that was then, and this is now. It’s a new season, and I’ve got a new bankroll. Last year’s total losses of over $2,800 are just that…in the past Three’s an old saying in baseball about how “everybody is in first place on Opening Day;” the week before Saturdaius Primus nobody has been to the plasma center yet. In other words this is the time of year when everybody still has hope.
And that’s the beauty of the bitch goddess that is gambling; where hope can become elation or desperation on the unpredictable bounce of a weirdly-shaped ball.
LEGAL DISCLAIMER (mandated by our very own Small Town Pizza Lawyer):
Thanks to the Supreme Court, gambling is no longer illegal at Bushwood, sir. However, the Supreme Court can’t really help me unless one of them is willing to keep Mrs. J-Dub from braining me with a cast-iron skillet if she found out how many dimes I’m dropping on college football. That means that as far as she knows, all wagers are mythical in nature and this is in no way, shape, or form a gambling advice column. In other words, if you lose your own “real” money, that’s nobody’s fault but yours, so don’t yell at me when we meet at the plasma center on Monday.
Having said that, let’s get ready to gamble…
- Georgia Tech at Clemson (-36) O/U 59 $50 Over
- Utah (-5) at BYU O/U 48.5 $25 Utah
- Rice at Army (-21.5) O/U 48.5 $50 Army
- Wisconsin (-13) at South Florida O/U 57.5 $50 Wisconsin
- Massachusetts at Rutgers (-15.5) O/U 55.5 $25 Massachusetts, $25 Under
- Purdue (-10.5) at Nevada O/U 58 $75 Purdue
- Colorado State at Colorado (-13) O/U 58.5 $50 Colorado, $50 Over
- Oklahoma State (-15) at Oregon State O/U 74 $100 Oklahoma State
- Memphis (-6) at Mississippi O/U 68 $50 Mississippi
- Virginia Tech (-4.5) at Boston College O/U 57 $50 Virginia Tech
- Northwestern at Stanford (-6.5) O/U 47 $75 Under
- Boise State at Florida State (-5.5) O/U 53 $50 Boise State
- Southern Methodist at Arkansas State (-2.5) $75 Southern Methodist
- Georgia (-21) at Vanderbilt (57.5) $75 Georgia, $75 Over
The Dubsism College Football Heavyweight Champ Bet:
Florida Atlantic at Ohio State (-27.5) O/U 63.5 $100 Over
J-Dub’s Payday of the Week:
Oregon at Auburn (-3.5) O/U 55.5
$200 Auburn
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Now you have me thinking about that Clemson over tonight.
According to my service, it’s now up to 61.
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That’s why we call it gambling, buddy!
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