Dubsism

What your view of sports and life would be if you had too many concussions

Why You Shouldn’t Cheer For: The Los Angeles Rams

Every year about this time, it is tradition here at Dubsism to write a piece trashing the Super Bowl contestants.  The reason why we do this is actually rather simple.  The Super Bowl is the biggest sports event in America, and as such, it draws in all the casual fans who don’t pay attention to football until now.  That means those of us who watch all the sports we can need to provide crucial information the newly-arriving fan may not know.

As Americans, despite all of our varying levels of interest in the National Football League, in the immortal words of our own Boyd Bergquist, Super Bowl Sunday is the one day that even people who don’t give a damn about football watch football. Christmas is when we gather with families, but Super Bowl Sunday is when we gather with friends and co-workers. That why we provide the “Why You Shouldn’t Cheer For” series so you won’t look like as much of an asshole to those people come Monday.

Today is all about why you shouldn’t cheer for the Los Angeles Rams.

1) Los Angeles Isn’t Really A “City”

Let’s be honest. Since I spent major portions of my youth in the “Southland,” I saw first-hand what happened when the great population influx took place in the late 1970s and early 1980s. I’m old enough to remember when there were huge tracts of open land near downtown and there was still farmland in the San Fernando Valley. Those days are long gone, and now the entirety of “The City of Angels” is little more than 500 square miles of crappy strip malls, cheap $2,000 per month apartments, and ever cheaper $900,000 two-bedroom houses.

As a result, the “city” swallowed all the open space like a culture engulfing a Petri dish, and now the world’s largest suburb has metastasized into Riverside, San Bernardino, and Orange counties.

Which is exactly why…

2) Nobody Is From Los Angeles

Believe it or not, there was a time when meeting somebody in Los Angeles who was actually born and raised in California wasn’t a complete rarity. Now, such people might as well be chupacabras since the population of the Golden State exploded with migrants from cock-drips like Anderson, Indiana or Enid, Oklahoma. There’s 20 million people in southern California and 27 of them have any roots there.

Everybody can understand the attraction of southern California’s climate. Even the delightfully messed-up ex-Laker Girl Paula Abdul could understand The Promise of a New Day. All that crap is encapsulated in that John Steinbeck bullshit The Grapes of Wrath I had to read in high school. That’s why I blame Tom Joad and his whole fucking family. Somehow these assholes found a way to make Oklahoma even worse than it already was, then decided to go fuck up California. They just set the precedent for every other miserable dickweed who followed the trail they blazed.

But the biggest problem is filling up a city with people from places where nobody wants to be makes that city a place nobody wants to be. Welcome to Los Angeles, a megalopolis populated with people who somehow manged to leave their dismal hometowns while still bringing their misery with them.

Wait…I take that back. The biggest problem is how these refugees from unhappiness bring part of their melancholy with them is by clinging to their hometown sports loyalties.

Which is exactly why…

3) The Rams Have No Fans

Like I said…there’s 20 million people in southern California and 27 of them have any roots there. Out of that 27, the two fans the Rams’ have are shown above being outnumbered in their own brand-new but decidedly strange SoFi Stadium (more on that in a bit).

To be fair, Los Angeles Charger games have a similar look, which suggests this isn’t exactly a franchise problem…it’s a Los Angeles problem…

Which is exactly why…

A Transient Population Has Transient Sports Franchises

This really shouldn’t surprise anybody; one would expect a city full of refugees from God-knows-where to have sports franchises loaded with frequent flyer miles.

It all started with our Super Bowl squad the Cleveland Los Angeles Anaheim St. Louis Los Angeles Rams the first time they came to southern California in 1948. Then came the Brooklyn Los Angeles Dodgers a decade later. 1960 brought the arrival of the Minneapolis St. Paul Minneapolis Los Angeles Lakers. The following year the rival American Football League landed with Los Angeles San Diego Los Angeles Chargers. Basketball came again in 1984 with the arrival of the Buffalo Braves / San Diego Los Angeles Clippers. Finally, although they weren’t the first to come to Los Angeles only to leave (just like those aforementioned refugees), we must not forget about the Oakland Los Angeles Oakland Las Vegas and eventually Fargo Raiders.

They Have A Weird Stadium

SoFi Stadium is what happens when you let an architect give an artistic impression of a giant hole in the ground covered with a tarp. Seriously, this thing looks like those forts made from a blanket and couch cushions you built as a kid. But to be fair, at least it doesn’t look like “Jerry World” in Dallas; the world’s largest 4-slot toaster which still can’t handle a bagel.


About J-Dub

What your view of sports would be if you had too many concussions

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This entry was posted on February 12, 2022 by in Humor, NFL, Sports and tagged , , , .

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