First of all, I don’t mean that kind of fanstasy quarterback. I mean fantasy in its traditional sense, as in not real. Ever since Brett Favre hit Minnesota, Viking fans have been having a fantasy that this aged wonder will lead them to the championship they so desperately crave. It’s not going to happen; there’s… Read More Open Letter to Minnesota Viking Fans: Get a Better Fantasy Quarterback
Yesterday, it finally happened. After all the times I wished that the edifice of evil known as Texas Stadium would collapse, it finally did…well, with the help of timed explosives. Sure, I know that Jerry Jones has built himself a new Death Star with which he will continue to spread his evil throughout the NFL,… Read More Beautiful Things Do Happen in Dallas
Over the past month, the grist mill known as the American sports media has been all a-twitter with the recent sexual assault allegations leveled in Georgia at Pittsburgh Steeler quarterback Ben Roethlisberger. During that time, I felt as if I were the only writer in America who stuck by the decidedly American tenet of “innocent… Read More How Many People Owe Ben Roethlisberger an Apology Today?
Does a 10-pound bag of flour make a really big biscuit? He certainly seems to be as today’s installment shows Joe at a flag football game paying homage to Hans Moleman and his epic “Man Getting Hit by Football.” You really have to feel bad for the victim. It’s bad enough he is the one so shitty at even… Read More Ask The Geico Guy: Is Joe Flacco a Simpsons Fan?
Seriously, if it weren’t for the good people at Failbooking.com, we may never have seen this pure bit of delight. Sure, it pre-dates Cutler’s current Chicago reign of suckitude, but who can resist cheap shots at Vanderbilt AND Duke… My personal favorite: “Jay Cutler is a Dallas Cowboys fan.” What more proof is there of extreme… Read More Would You Be Facebook Friends With Jay Cutler?
In the ongoing trial involving Minnesota Vikings’ defensive tackles Kevin and Pat Williams and the weight-loss supplement StarCaps, the core question at hand is whether the NFL violated Minnesota law by suspending the two players. Granted, this case is no different from most legal cases as it involves some complexities that aren’t immediately apparent. One of the witnesses… Read More The Favre-gasm Is Now A Matter of Public Record
If you are a sports junkie like me, you listen to a lot of sports radio and get even more fixes from many forms of sports media. For the past week, all that media has been dominated by the exploits of Pittsburgh Steeler quarterback Ben Roethlisberger. Even if you aren’t a sports junkie, you’ve had to… Read More Why Hasn’t Ben Roethlisberger Been Executed Yet?
I’ve always liked Jim Sorgi, ever since his days quarterbacking the Wisconsin Badgers. Having lived in Minnesota and therefore having had to live with the insufferable Minnesota football fans, I appreciated anybody that used Paul Bunyan’s Axe to consistently cut the balls off Goldy Gopher. But the poor guy just can’t get away from America’s… Read More Jim Sorgi Just Can’t Get Out From Behind a Manning
If the calls for the head of Ben Roethlisberger when he has yet to be charged with ANYTHING weren’t bad enough…if the the phony hand-wringing over Michael Vick’s dog-fighting when nobody, repeat nobody, gave a frog’s fat ass about Ray Lewis being involved in a murder and Rae Carruth killing his girlfriend just because he didn’t want… Read More More Evidence of the Hypocrisy of NFL Fans
What do you picture when you think of a world-class athlete? Just because a guy has a beer-gut doesn’t mean he isn’t an athlete. In fact, the guy who is a bit bigger around the middle than he should be might just be able to totally kick your ass. There is almost no better place… Read More Behold the Power of Fat Guys
We live in America; a country where nearly 4 out of 10 high-school graduates could tell you anything lucid about The Civil War, and even less can find any given state on a map. Worse yet, some of them can’t even find the map. Given such a dismal state of geographic knowledge, it’s time for… Read More The Battle of the Dakotas
As if you didn’t know…as if you haven’t read this story before. Brett Favre can’t make up his mind. In other news, the sun will rise in the east, the ocean is wet, and Minnesota Viking fans are suckers. Without going into a great amount of detail, Favre is dooming the future of this franchise. The… Read More BREAKING NEWS: Favre Suddenly Indecisive
What makes a great rivalry? If you were to leave that question to the dopes at ESPN, all you will hear is a bunch of slop about the Red Sox and the Yankees, Michigan and Ohio State, or from the real “traditionalists,” you might get some waxing nostalgic about Army and Navy. In other words,… Read More Los Angeles vs. San Francisco: A Study In Rivalry
Three words: Jared from Subway.
They have ex-quarterbacks parading around in drag. Not that there’s anything wrong with that…
Let’s start with my original playoff predictions: 2) Indianapolis Colts Why They Can Win: The AFC road to the Super Bowl goes through Indy. The Manning show that once was just a high-powered offense now includes a legitimate defense, and defense is what wins championships. Why They Can’t Win: The aforementioned Manning show loves to pick… Read More The Super Bowl: The Definitive Preview
Their fans love to make Youtube videos that make you want to shoot yourself in the face with a nail gun. Doubt that? Check this out. Granted, Viking fans make the worst videos, but that’s because they have the most rage issues (ASIDE: Who the hell keeps a tent in their living room? Teenage girls about… Read More Why You Shouldn’t Cheer For…The New Orleans Saints
Terms like “old school” get tossed around too much. Had you tuned in any college football game in the past four years and you would have heard this phrase to describe Tim Tebow. But this doesn’t do justice to some of the guys who played the game before Tebow. We just lost one of the… Read More RIP, Tom Brookshier
There are several key storylines that all media outlets are required to discuss in the days leading up to the Super Bowl. Seriously, any media outlet, even penny-ante blogs, are required to cover the Manning family angle. Since the Colts have decided to employ a Manning, it is their fault we all have to live… Read More Why You Shouldn’t Cheer For…The Indianapolis Colts
Simply stated, their owner Tom Benson is completely insane. What else explains a guy who insists on carrying an umbrella in a fucking dome?
Dubsism 