Why You Shouldn’t Cheer For…The New Orleans Saints
Simply stated, their owner Tom Benson is completely insane. What else explains a guy who insists on carrying an umbrella in a fucking dome?
Category: NFL
Open Letter to San Diego Charger Fans: Norv is a Four-Letter Word
First of all, it is time to stop blaming this guy. Yeah, his playoff record sucks. Yeah, he missed three kicks. That ignores the fact that true championship teams usually don’t need three kicks – true championship teams will convert at least one of those opportunities into a touchdowns. True championship teams don’t usually find… Read More Open Letter to San Diego Charger Fans: Norv is a Four-Letter Word
Why You Shouldn’t Cheer For…The Indianapolis Colts
First, you must view the video concerning Colts fans’ new source of identity; “The Shoe.” I guess I should be encouraging Captain Dreadlock to crawl out of his bong long enough to post it, but it is soooooo lame I’m amazed it wasn’t done by a Viking fan. In short, in order to celebrate Indianapolis’ Super… Read More Why You Shouldn’t Cheer For…The Indianapolis Colts
Open Letter to Minnesota Viking Fans: Are You Ready to Accept Reality Yet?
A season summed up in a single picture. A season that ends like so many other for Vikings fans, in utter disappointment. I really didn’t want it to end like this for you. Seriously, as a Philadelphia Eagle fan, I haven’t had an NFL Championship in my lifetime, in fact since the Vikings even existed.… Read More Open Letter to Minnesota Viking Fans: Are You Ready to Accept Reality Yet?
Why You Shouldn’t Cheer For…The New Orleans Saints
As mentioned yesterday, since my Eagles’ playoff run enjoyed Dallas nearly as much as JFK, between now and Super Sunday I will be listing reasons not to care which of the contestants prevails. Today, the New Orleans Saints. Archie Manning, amongst other things, is the elder statesman of the the franchise, largely for his year… Read More Why You Shouldn’t Cheer For…The New Orleans Saints
Why You Shouldn’t Cheer For…The Indianapolis Colts
With two weeks until the Super Bowl, it’s time somebody pointed out why nobody should root for either of these teams. Today’s reason concerns the Indianapolis Colts, more specifically the judgement of their quarterback. Now, I understand the nature of the “contractually obligated appearance,” but one really needs to exercise some judgement in this area.… Read More Why You Shouldn’t Cheer For…The Indianapolis Colts
The 2009 Dubsy Awards
Now that 2009 is in the books, it is time to recognize some truly great achievements in the world of sport that may otherwise go unnoticed. With that, I give you the 2009 Dubsy Awards. The Mickey Klutts Award for Unfortunate Naming It is bad enough to be accused of being a male hiding in… Read More The 2009 Dubsy Awards
The NFL Playoffs – The Definitive Oddsmaker’s View
1) San Diego Chargers Why They Can Win: They are playing the best football at the right time. This also may be the most complete and balanced team in the playoffs. Why They Can’t Win: The Charger offense likely can’t survive a bad-weather game if they have to face one. Odds of Winning: 2… Read More The NFL Playoffs – The Definitive Oddsmaker’s View
Ten Nobel Prize Injustices and Their Equivalent Sports Injustices
We are suckers for lists. VH-1 always manages to suck people in with those “100 greatest songs of the 80’s” nostalgia-fests. Not to mention we sports fans never met a list over which we didn’t love to drunkenly argue. There’s even a website dedicated to such listery. I’m no different; I can play moth to the candle… Read More Ten Nobel Prize Injustices and Their Equivalent Sports Injustices
An Open Letter to Denver Bronco Fans: “Neckbeard and the Beanstalk”
Everybody remembers the story of Jack and the Beanstalk. Via a trade, Jack ends up with what is seen as a worthless “bag of magic beans,” a bag that unexpectedly yields tremendous bounty. Let it be said that Denver Bronco fans have the role of Jack nailed down; starring opposite the Neckbeard’s goose that laid… Read More An Open Letter to Denver Bronco Fans: “Neckbeard and the Beanstalk”
Favre-Gasm – The Four-Towel, “Sorry It Got On Your Face” Edition
What is going to happen Tuesday on the sports radio stations in the Twin Cities makes me almost sorry I used the term “full-throated” to describe previous Favre-gasms. Viking fans can’t contain themselves with the excitement over their win Monday night. What is happening right now on the local post-game radio show will continue through… Read More Favre-Gasm – The Four-Towel, “Sorry It Got On Your Face” Edition
Kyle Orton is Just a Drunk Ben Roethlisberger
As the old adage goes, sometimes it is better to be lucky than good. Why? Because lucky guys do just what the tag decribes; they get lucky. Kyle Orton Gets Lucky lucky – pronunciation: \ˈlə-kē\; function: adjective; inflected form(s): luck·i·er; luck·i·est 1 : having good luck 2 : happening by chance : fortuitous 3 : producing… Read More Kyle Orton is Just a Drunk Ben Roethlisberger
The Kansas City Chiefs Are A Bit Better: Now 100% Chan Gailey Free!
Well, not by much. Actually, they are still pretty much a prime example of fully-reversible, three-speed, nuclear-powered suck. They would be the laughing stock of the NFL except Cincinnati and Oakland still have teams. But by firing Chan Gailey last week, the Chefs Chiefs got a little bit better. For those of you that don’t… Read More The Kansas City Chiefs Are A Bit Better: Now 100% Chan Gailey Free!
750 Bucks For a Fake, Purple Penis?
Rest assured, Viking fans. Just when you thought the saga of King Brett I was too much for you to take, purple nostalgia comes to the rescue. You can now buy the “Whizzinator” made famous by former Viking Onterrio Smith. SHAKOPEE, Minn. – The infamous Whizzinator is among several personal belongings of former Minnesota Vikings… Read More 750 Bucks For a Fake, Purple Penis?
Favre-gasm: It Just Keeps Getting Better
Monday night, before the Vikings game against the Houston Texans, King Brett I said he might have a cracked rib, but that there has been no official diagnosis. In the same press conference, he said taking deep breaths caused pain, but that he won’t wear any extra protection because “the damage is done.’’ Too bad… Read More Favre-gasm: It Just Keeps Getting Better
Favre-gasm Gone Wrong: Is King Brett I Actually a Queen?
Nothing can get between two guys faster than a woman. We’ve all been there; we’ve all seen friendships that survived wars torn asunder by a skirt. Earlier in the week, reports began surfacing about a rift in the Vikings’ locker room. It seems that some members of the team are sticking by Tarvaris Jackson as… Read More Favre-gasm Gone Wrong: Is King Brett I Actually a Queen?
Open Letter to Minnesota Vikings Fans: Enough with the Favre-gasm Already
Consider this an intervention for some shit that has gotten seriously out of control. The O.J.-style slow-speed chase of the SUV that carried King Brett I from owner Zygi Wilf’s private jet to Winter Park was bad enough. The fact that hundreds of you surrounded the streets at Winter Park on a weekday afternoon, many… Read More Open Letter to Minnesota Vikings Fans: Enough with the Favre-gasm Already
Signs We Are Near The End Of Civilization: Fantasy Championship Rings
Believe it or not, there is a fine line between being a fantasy sports geek, and being a truly sad and pathetic creature worthy of only scorn, derision, and occasional pity. If you follow this link and think it’s a great idea, you have pole-vaulted across that line. Seriously, enjoying fantasy sports is one thing… Read More Signs We Are Near The End Of Civilization: Fantasy Championship Rings
An Open Letter to Denver Broncos Fans: Kyle Orton is the Greatest Athlete in the History of Ever
I’m not going to beat around the bush here, Bronco fans. You don’t have to like the trade that sent Jay Cutler to Chicago and brought the Neckbeard to the Mile High City. You don’t have to like his 3-interception performance in his Denver debut (and even I will admit that left-handed interception against… Read More An Open Letter to Denver Broncos Fans: Kyle Orton is the Greatest Athlete in the History of Ever
Signs We Are Near the End of Civilization: Fantasy Football Insurance
I’ll be the first to admit, I’ve been known to be a fantasy sports geek. But you have to admit, this is a past-time that has crept up on our sporting enjoyment like an Apache raiding party thirsty for scalps. Fantasy mentality has firmly established itself in many areas of sports discussion; nowhere more so… Read More Signs We Are Near the End of Civilization: Fantasy Football Insurance
