Coaches Death Watch 2016 – The Ex-Kicker’s Round Table Breaks Down the Polling Numbers
As we love to say on this blog, unless you live under a rock in a cave on the dark side of the moon which only gets service from Comcast, you know this is election season in America. Wherever there’s an election, there’s polls, and wherever there’s polls, there’s a bunch of windbags to do their windbag thing on it.
Well, we’ve got our own poll going here in support of regular Dubsism contributor Jason From Indiana (JFI)‘s NFL Coaches Death Watch. He started this season with a list of guys he reasoned were headed for the football version of the Great Beyond. Through our poll, the numbers amongst the four coaches JFI listed plus the write-ins shake out like this as of 6 a.m. U.S. Eastern time on
Saturday, October 8th.
- Chuck Pagano, Indianapolis Colts – 2,331
- Jim Caldwell, Detroit Lions – 1.374
- Rex Ryan, Buffalo Bills – 592
- Hue Jackson, Cleveland Browns – 96
- Mike McCarthy, Green Bay Packers – 34*
- Mike McCoy, San Diego Chargers – 24*
- Jeff Fisher, Los Angeles – 19*
- John Fox, Chicago Bears – 13*
- Jason Garrett, Dallas Cowboys – 7*
- Andy Reid, Kansas City Chiefs – 1*
*-Write-in votes
So, now that you’ve seen the numbers, you’re waiting for the aforementioned hurricane of punditry. That’s why this is the part where I turn this over to our very own sports version of the McLaughlin Group…our very own Ex-Kickers Round Table.
Gentlemen, your thoughts on this poll?
Efren Herrera
That pendejo Pagano is about as dead as you can be for a guy who still had breakfast this morning. I will never understand how a guy who is such a weak leader hasn’t been killed by his own troops yet. In my world, part of leading troops into battle is your own guys fear you more than they fear the other guys. That’s why I have a necklace made from the ears of my own troops who pissed me off. Pagano’s guys think he’s about as scary as a plate refried beans. If he lives past Thanksgiving, I’ll shoot my favorite mule.
Rick Danmeier
I agree with Efren; Pagano has got to go, and soon. Not only that, but the dipshit who didn’t fire him last year needs to go as well. And he ain’t the only one either. Jim Caldwell needs to be put down as well. That guy is like an old cow that don’t give milk anymore. It’s old and too tough to eat, and all it does is cost you money in feed. Sometimes, there’s no choice but to put the poor critter out of it’s misery.
Uwe von Schamann
My fellow aryan Hërr Danmeier raises a very good point. It does no good to fire the generals if it is fact the field marshal who is the problem. Rex Ryan may a bit of an arschloch, but look at the general managers he’s had over him. In New York, there was John Izdik; a man who never had a general manager position before, and probably never will again, and Mike Tannebaum who was a filthy Jew completely incompetent.
It didn’t get any better for Ryan when he went to Buffalo. I don’t know much about Doug Whaley, but I do know that one of the worst ways to motivate a leader of men is to give them ultimata. It’s a complete misapplication of what Generalissimo Herrera said. While it’s true part of respect is cringing fear, it doesn’t work when the goals are not realistic. This was Der Führer’s great mistake at Stalingrad. Think what you will of Arschloch Ryan, he alone does not change the fact Buffalo is the third-best team in that division, and that the players he’s been given are the direct result of Whaley.
Not to mention, do you know how many of those “Fire Rex” votes got cast after the Bills anschluss-ed the Patriots. Zero.
Donald Igwebuike
I got no idea how Sean Payton’s name didn’t show up on that list. I ain’t sayin’ he deserves to get canned, he got a lot of the same problems the German guy said about Rex Ryan. It ain’t Payton’s fault that Drew Brees is getting fifty billion dollars and the rest of the team is on food stamps. But, this also ain’t the “deserves to get fired” list, it’s the “gets fired” list.
Ali Haji-Shiekh
You know we’re in trouble when all four of these fuckheads said something that made sense. But they still all missed it. Look at the last name on that list. There’s one guy out there who sees how honestly shitty the Chiefs really are. The Jets gave then eight fucking turnovers and they only scored 24 points. They should have hung fifty on them. Then they got gorilla-cocked by the Steelers, who I think might just be the best team in the Western Pennsylvania Pop Warner league. The fatbag that runs this blog is an Eagles fan, and he will back me up as to the exceptionally-overrated nature of Andy Reid.
Here’s what an Andy Reid team does. They go 11-5 in the regular season, get your hopes up for a Super Bowl run, then give you a “Lucy pulling the foorball” job. It’s like getting a giant football cock-block from a guy who looks like a post-menopausal Chumly the Walrus. But this year, the Chiefs aren’t even going to be that good. Chiefs fans are going to be wristing out their blue-balled, cock-blocked frustrations in gas station bathrooms all over Kansas City.
But if you want to talk about motherfuckers who really deserve to get the pipe, you have to go beyond head coaches. Don’t forget, I’m a janitor at the Port Authority, which means as long as Chan Gailey is the offensive coordinator for the Jets, I’m going to spend a lot of Sundays cleaning up that special kind of piss-barf that only comes form Jets fans drowning their bullshit in 50 Natty Lights before they pass out in a toilet stall. This is another thing I know J-Dub gets because he’s bashed this guy more than once. Gailey guy can’t even play with himself correctly. He’s the only guy I know who got caught jerking ON.
Jets fans are so fucking dumb. They are beating up on Ryan Fitzpatrick since he’s chucked nine picks in his last two games, but they never fucking once think about who keeps calling those plays. That would be Chan Gailey. They never once think about a guy who has put together a 12-year career highlight reel which shows clearly he’s not a big play quarterback and wonder who is the shit-flume who keeps trying to use him as one. That would be Chan Gailey. If you hear about a guy who always does some really head-up-his-ass stuff and never gets called on it, that would be Chan Gailey.
J-Dub
Now it’s your turn. You’ve been voting, and we appreciate your participation. So, let’s hear from everybody. We aren’t the Democratic party looking to play a rigged game. Dubsism might just be the last place in America where all vote really count. Share this poll with your friends, on your Facebook, Twitter or what have you. Don’t forget we are always on the lookout for comments,m guest columns, or any ideas you may have. You can see how to contact us below.
The poll remains open until the first coach gets fired. You can vote once per day, and you can write-in any coach you’d like…despite the what Mr. Haji-Shiekh says, please keep this to head coaches.
Don’t forget JFI was the original author on who you think could or should be fired. He’s waiting for your comments at @jbhickle on Twitter or email jfisports1@gmail.com .
Email Dubsism at dubsism@yahoo.com, and follow us @Dubsism on Twitter, or on our Pinterest, Tumblr, Instagram, and Facebook pages.
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Dubsism 
Still nothing, man.
In fact, I don’t see any head coaches being fired for another couple of weeks.
Despite the Browns being the Browns, I can’t see them not giving Hue more time to figure shit out.
Had Pagano lost to the Bears maybe but I think he’s still somewhat safe… unless they drop their next two roadies, which they likely won’t.
The Lions just beat your Eagles and have their next two games at home so Caldwell’s not looking at the classifieds just yet.
Sexy Rexy’s Bills are hot now and the Packers look like they may be on the verge of turning things around as well.
My guess would maybe be John Fox because yes, the Bears are just that bad but how much of that is really his fault?
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