Signs We Are Near The End Of Civilization: The Colin Kaepernick Story Simply Won’t Die

In all honesty, I really believe we’ve hit a new low for stupidity in this series.  I know I’ve said that before, but we keep sinking. Originally, I thought we couldn’t collectively get any dumber than “butt-chugging.” Then again, there can’t be anything more stupid than sunburning your asshole…can there?

In a word…yes.

Oddly enough, there’s a theme to this progression of idiocy. This example is all about those assholes who will never stop finding a way to keep the Colin Kaepernick story alive. Thanks to them, the Kaepernick story has become the “Freddy Krueger” of football. After this latest episode, I’m convinced it will never be allowed to die. Whenever I think I’ve seen the last of it, there’s another “click-bait” headline populating my reader.

Let’s be honest. There’s only two reasons his name still pops up. Every year, some NFL team has an “urgent” need for a quarterback. That combined with the fact there’s still a faction who hold dear the political angle to Colin Kaepernick’s story is the recipe for this nonsense. The exploitation of that ideological slant, and the belief he still can be an effective NFL quarterback are now both expired milk…curdled, stinky, expired milk.

This year, the team with the sudden need is the Dallas Cowboys. After the injury to Dak Prescott, it took no time at all for the interwebz to come alive with stuff which should be headed down the drain.

I deliberately waited a while to let this story play out, and there’s one reason for that. Desperation for a quarterback in the middle of a season is like a cup of hot coffee; they both cool over time. That’s exactly what happened here. Between the rumors that Prescott will be back sooner than expected and that Cooper Rush led Dallas to a win last Sunday has the temperature on the Cowboys’ desperation lower than an iced mocha.

That also means this time, the Kaepernick story faded as quickly as it appeared. Any news story disappearing literally overnight in a country with a 24-hour news cycle pumped out to a sea of short-attention spans should shock the same number of people as a California rolling blackout.

But now that it has faded, I can only hope this time it’s for good. It needs to be gone forever not because of the aforementioned political angle…I’ve already made my blog hay on that. It needs to be gone forever because it is now one of the dumbest fucking things ever.

Believe what you want about the guy, but there’s really no debating that as an NFL quarterback Colin Kaepernick was little more than a “flash in the pan.” He took over for an injured starter on a Super Bowl contender, then had a pretty decent season once he got the starting job in San Francisco in 2013.

Then, in a movie we’ve seen eleventy bajillion times, the realities of a “running/short-yardage passing” quarterback in the NFL became apparent…and began taking it’s toll. Kaepernick’s high-water mark as an NFL quarterback came on January 12, 2013, when in the 49ers playoff win over the Packers he rushed for 181 yards, which to this day remains an NFL record for rushing yards by a quarterback in a single game.

But after that, his career was a monument to the law of diminishing returns. Within three years, his career cratered and he was often injured. Even when healthy, by 2016 he’s benched; once in the pre-season and again after the debacle in Chicago when Kaepernick only accounted for four passing yards and 20 on the ground against a Bears defense which at the time was one of the worst in the league.

So, Stephen A. Smith…let me see if I’ve got this straight. The Super Bowl hopes of the Dallas Cowboys can be salvaged by a nearly 35-year old guy who hasn’t seen an NFL field since the Obama administration? That’s either 100% pure politics…or it’s a tacit admission that as I’ve said all along…Dak Prescott isn’t that good. He can’t be if you think Prescott can be replaced by the expired milk that is Colin Kaepernick.

It doesn’t really matter which side is which here. Whether you’re waving the Kaepernick flag or you think “Dak Does Dallas” equals a Super Bowl, you’re not only drinking the Kool-Aid…you’re chugging it by the gallon.

But keep your pitchers of that sugary slop handy…it will help wash down a harsh reality. If you doubt that the resurgence of the Kaepernick story is all politics or admitting that Dak Prescott isn’t a “top-flight” quarterback, ask yourself this question. Why didn’t the names of other retired quarterbacks get mentioned here? Keep in mind, this list is just for starters, but every one of them saw an NFL field more recently than Kaepernick, and all of them had more football success.

Ben Roethlisberger: Two-time Super Bowl champion and future Hall-of Famer. Likely still not healed up after all that time using his gargantuan body to extend plays. The poor guy took a beating.

Cam Newton: A guy about whom I was completely wrong. I said he’d never be an effective NFL quarterback. He’s got an MVP trophy to shove up my ass. But he has the same problem as Roethlisberger.

Tony Romo: Why not the guy that Dak replaced? I’m pretty sure “Jerrah” Jones still has his number somewhere. Besides, he can still read a defense, and there no rule inthe NFL that says you have to shave before you come to work.

Mark Sanchez: We must never forget that when Romo got hurt for the final time and it was clear Dak Prescott was the only heir apparent, “Jerrah” did a panic-signing of “Captain Buttfumble” because even then, he didn’t have any faith in Dak Prescott.

Not to mention, the graphic doesn’t lie.

Tim Tebow: Say what you will, but this guy is a proven winner. His trophy case includes a Heisman, an NCAA championship, and remember he inherited a 3-5 Bronco team which he led to the play-offs where they beat the defending Super Bowl champs. Teebs has seen an NFL field more recently than Colin Kaepernick, and also pissed off a bunch of people by kneeling.

Insert Manning Here: Specifically, I’m referring to either Eli or Peyton, but if you want to take a flyer on Archie, that’s up to you…even if he’s been out of the game since the Reagan administration. Peyton may still have “Roethlisberger” syndrome from that neck injury that hastened the end of his career.

But, even as alter ego “Chad Powers,” Eli just showed us he’s still got it.

You could flush the better part of an afternoon coming up with a list of quarterbacks with recent NFL experience who would be better signings for the Cowboys than Colin Kaepernick at this point, but none of them still have the “clickbait” power of “Captain Take-A-Knee.” But despite the desire of some to cash in on his name, it’s time for everybody to admit Kaepernick’s football days are over.

However, I’m here to offer a suggestion for the Stephen A. Smiths of the world. If you feel a need for Colin Kaepernick in the football world, you want to see him as part of the Dallas Cowboys, but you need another topic for social activism, that picture is the solution for which I don’t need to write the proverbial 1,000 words.

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You can see all our signs we are near the end of civilization here.

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