Believe it or not, even gamblers can have friends. I don’t mean the fellow degenerates like me who will throw down dimes on just about anything…I mean actual respectable people. Not long ago, just such a couple moved in just a few doors down from Dubsism World Headquarters. Last Saturday, we invited our new neighbors over for a cookout punctuated with the usual libations…and whatever their recreational chemistry of choice may be. To make a long story short, an evening of smoked brisket, bourbon for me and something in a vape pen for them, quite an enjoyable conversation broke out.
Turns out this conversation may have saved my life. While I was enjoying the banter, I was blissfully unaware that my Payday bet (Penn State -10 over Wisconsin) was busy blowing a 17-point lead. Mrs. J-Dub told me later she’s grateful for the distraction as she’s convinced watching my $500 go up in even more smoke would have made me have a brain-splattering stroke.
Regardless, once all the smoke cleared, the J-Dub Gambling Challenge Bankroll picked up $420 in Week 4…the magic number for this week’s theme. For the season so far, that leaves the roll at $4,680, which may still be down from the original $5K…but it blazes the trail back to positive territory.
LEGAL DISCLAIMER (mandated by our very own Small Town Pizza Lawyer):
Thanks to the Supreme Court, gambling is no longer illegal at Bushwood, sir. However, the Supreme Court can’t really help me unless one of them is willing to keep Mrs. J-Dub from braining me with a cast-iron skillet if she found out how many dimes I’m dropping on college football.
That means that as far as she knows, all wagers are mythical in nature and this is in no way, shape, or form a gambling advice column. In other words, if you lose your own “real” money, that’s nobody’s fault but yours, so don’t yell at me when we meet at the plasma center on Monday.
If you think you have a gambling problem, go find the 800 number on your own. I’m not a goddamn public service announcement.
The Standard Plays
- Navy at Air Force (-3.5) O/U 60.5 $25 Air Force, $25 Under
- Alabama (-6) at Mississippi State O/U 60.5 $150 Alabama, $150 Under
- Boston College at Southern Methodist (-21.5) O/U 52.5 $50 Southern Methodist, $50 Over
- Florida (-5.5) at Missouri O/U 57.5 $150 Florida
- Louisville (-3.5) at North Carolina State O/U 58 $100 Louisville
- California at Nevada-Las Vegas (-2.5) O/U 51.5 $50 Nevada-Las Vegas, $50 Over
- Ohio State (-13.5) at Iowa O/U 45.5 $150 Ohio State
- Arkansas at Texas A&M (-14) O/U 50.5 $250 Texas A&M
- Brigham Young (-6) at Texas Christian O/U 45.5 $150 Brigham Young, $150 Over
- Texas Tech (-13) at Colorado O/U 50.5 $100 Texas Tech
- Miami (FL) (-16.5) at Clemson O/U 47.5 $100 Miami (FL), $100 Over
The Native North Dakota Bet:
Thanks to having a parent in the U.S. Air Force, I was born in the Peace Garden State. 18 years later, I ended up in college there…but I went to the hockey school, not the football school. But until my alma mater moves up to FBS, I’m betting on “Moo U.”
Wyoming at North Dakota State (-17.5) O/U 44.5 $50 NDSU
The Almost Always Punitive Purdue Bet:
Since I live in the heart of Big Ten country, almost literally in the shadow of Ross-Ade stadium, those around me who know I’m a gambler will invariably ask me about the Boilermakers, so I might as well bet on them…
Purdue at Illinois (-9.5) O/U 62.5 $25 Purdue, $25 Under
The Royally Ridiculous Line of the Week:
Introduced by our own guest columnist King George VI (the grandfather of the current King Charles III), this feature is all about the line of the week that’s so outrageous, it’s almost as crazy as we Americans find the idea of a monarch.
Vanderbilt at Georgia (-25.5) O/U 50.5 $50 Georgia, $50 Under
The Dubsism College Football Heavyweight Champ Bet:
We went back to the very first college football game in 1869, and the premise is simple…you’re the champ until somebody beats you. The current champion is the Notre Dame Fighting Irish.
Notre Dame (-21.5) at North Carolina O/U 46.5 $75 Notre Dame
J-Dub’s Payday of the Week:
It’s like the game says…the idea is to hang on to your cash. That means this is the “big play” of the week; the one that should make today “Payday.”
Auburn at Tennessee (-6.5) O/U 54 $750 Tennessee
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