Rankings by Division AFC East Any way you slice it, the Jets made a statement during last season’s playoff win in San Diego. The scary part is they have built on that team since then. Granted, they need to get the holdout situation with Darelle Revis resolved, but once they do, it will be very… Read More The Dubsism 2010 Pre-Season NFL Power Rankings
Yeah, we’ve all been here before. At least we’ve learned over the last four years how this plays out so that we can all really ignore most of this bluster and get back to what matters most: heaping scorn and derision on the false idol Vikings fans have accepted. Tuesday brought us Stage 1: The… Read More The 4th Annual Brett Favre Retirement Party – The One Where You Get to See His Dick
How many times have we been through this story? I’ll have an answer for that as soon as I can borrow NASA’s supercomputer. Favre has been a regular Waffle House; since 2002, he has talked several times about walking away from the game, only to return every goddamn time. King Brett I’s crutch this time… Read More Brett Favre to Retire: In Other News, Sun Rises In The East; Oprah Winfrey Still Fat.
Remember the good old days when the arrest of a sports figure brought lurid tales of sex and/or drugs, or at least a slow-speed Bronco chase? Well, today’s athletes clearly lack that sort of panache when it comes to making the police blotter. In fact, this past week has shown us they’ve become downright lame.… Read More This Week in Silly Arrests
Know who loves the Broncos taking Tim Tebow in the first round? Dicky V. Know who hates the pick? Colin Cowherd. Honestly, I didn’t want to notice this, but after having read Vitale’s pre-draft column extolling the virtues of taking Tejus and listening to Cowherd’s fervent belief Denver may as well have drafted the Flying Nun,… Read More Guess Who Has a Man-Crush on Tim Tebow?
10) Michael Jordan Was the Greatest Athlete of the 20th Century You can thank ESPN for this exercise in the power of the present. Back at the turn of the century, the World Wide Leader published its list of the greatest athletes of the 20th century and placed Jordan at the top of that list. One… Read More The Ten Biggest Fallacies in Sports
It’s official…New Orleans Saints quarterback and Super Bowl MVP Drew Brees is the cover athlete for Madden NFL 11. Brees won out over Minnesota Vikings’ serial drunk-driver defensive end Jared Allen and Indianapolis Colts wide receiver Reggie Wayne in EA Sports’ first fan voting campaign to choose the cover athlete. Of course, this means Brees… Read More Expect Drew Brees To Be Eaten By Giant Cockroaches
It took until the 6th round until somebody drafted Florida State safety Myron Rolle. Really, this is only about three rounds behind where he should have been selected. Normally, one sees a Seminole dropping in the draft and wonders what is on his rap sheet. Strangely enough, we finally found a Seminole with a brain;… Read More Apparently, The NFL Doesn’t Like Smart Guys
It’s amazing what one punch can do. Before last fall’s Falcon Punch, Blount was under legitimate consideration as an NFL Draft Pick. Even afterward, many thought he had rebuilt his stock enough to be taken in the 3rd or 4th round. But for some reason, the NFL guys had a different opinion; they selected Blount in the… Read More LeGarrette Blount Undrafted; Perhaps He Should Slug Ben Roethlisberger
Leave it to CNN to screw up and cause a controversy. It seems as though the world’s first all-news cable network pulled a gaffe of plus-size proportions when CNN’s Headline News, while covering a story about people getting all pissed about somebody making a spoof of a Lane Bryant ad, mistakenly ran the spoof during their coverage of… Read More Does This Mean CC Sabathia Will Get a Speeding Ticket on the Way to McDonalds?
At least in the NFL, there is a penalty for piling on. Now that Ben Roethlisberger has been legitimately disgraced, the stories of what a complete toolbag Big Ben has been are streaming on to the Net. Some of them are so priceless letting them go by unnoticed would be a violation of my Blogger’s… Read More Roethlisberger: Now The Stories Really Start Coming Out of the Woodwork
Now that the Denver Broncos have drafted Tim Tebow, as a “project” player, his mentor at quarterback will be none other than The Neckbeard. Let that sink in for a moment. On one side, there’s Tebow, who between his superhuman exploits at Florida and his habitual walking across lakes to heal injured swans might as well… Read More Tim Tebow and Kyle Orton Together: It’s Biblical
In a move designed both to lessen the impact of Ben Roethlisberger’s impending 6-game “give or take” suspension, the Pittsburgh Steelers have traded the beleaguered quarterback to the Duke Lacrosse Team. While details of the deal have not yet been made official as of this time, reports have Duke Lacrosse sending two defense attorneys and… Read More BREAKING NEWS: Ben Roethlisberger Traded
For those of you unfamiliar with the term “Wingman,” it is simply a guy who will run some interference while you attempt to secure female companionship for the evening. Think of it an offensive lineman blocking off the ugly chick while you as the quarterback look to go deep with her hot friend. This is a… Read More Willie Colon Is No Longer Willing To Be Ben Roethlisberger’s “Wingman”
The last time I weighed in on this case, I made it a point to state that rushing to judgement in a criminal matter was a mistake; that time was needed for the process to play itself out. I stated that it is CRUCIAL that the facts of what actually happened come to light. Until then,… Read More Roethlisberger: Time to Write a Check
First of all, I don’t mean that kind of fanstasy quarterback. I mean fantasy in its traditional sense, as in not real. Ever since Brett Favre hit Minnesota, Viking fans have been having a fantasy that this aged wonder will lead them to the championship they so desperately crave. It’s not going to happen; there’s… Read More Open Letter to Minnesota Viking Fans: Get a Better Fantasy Quarterback
Yesterday, it finally happened. After all the times I wished that the edifice of evil known as Texas Stadium would collapse, it finally did…well, with the help of timed explosives. Sure, I know that Jerry Jones has built himself a new Death Star with which he will continue to spread his evil throughout the NFL,… Read More Beautiful Things Do Happen in Dallas
Over the past month, the grist mill known as the American sports media has been all a-twitter with the recent sexual assault allegations leveled in Georgia at Pittsburgh Steeler quarterback Ben Roethlisberger. During that time, I felt as if I were the only writer in America who stuck by the decidedly American tenet of “innocent… Read More How Many People Owe Ben Roethlisberger an Apology Today?
Does a 10-pound bag of flour make a really big biscuit? He certainly seems to be as today’s installment shows Joe at a flag football game paying homage to Hans Moleman and his epic “Man Getting Hit by Football.” You really have to feel bad for the victim. It’s bad enough he is the one so shitty at even… Read More Ask The Geico Guy: Is Joe Flacco a Simpsons Fan?
Seriously, if it weren’t for the good people at Failbooking.com, we may never have seen this pure bit of delight. Sure, it pre-dates Cutler’s current Chicago reign of suckitude, but who can resist cheap shots at Vanderbilt AND Duke… My personal favorite: “Jay Cutler is a Dallas Cowboys fan.” What more proof is there of extreme… Read More Would You Be Facebook Friends With Jay Cutler?
Dubsism 