By J-Dub and SportsChump
Introduction by SportsChump:
Now that the dust has settled with LeBron’s latest career move holding us hostage, now that you’ve digested what every analyst with a Substack account had to say about Decision Partie Quatre, let’s get down to brass tacks with two guys who remember the NBA before LeBron was in it.
Depending upon where you stand on LeBron James, the decision-maker remaining divisive, the chosen one is now a Philadelphia 76er. Sixers fans are still scratching their heads in bewilderment wondering if, at long last, like Knicks fans last year, this could finally be their time.
Not even on our radar months ago, LeBron decided Philadelphia would “allegedly” be the final stop on his whirlwind NBA tour. Still in the honeymoon phase, Philly fans couldn’t be happier, an emotion far too unfamiliar for them.
Alongside what appears to be, on paper at least, a stacked roster, an aging yet still agile and effective LeBron, should fit seamlessly onto a team that hasn’t won a title since 1983. And considering we’ve had nine different champions the last nine years, I can see where the momentum for Philly Phinals is gaining steam. Why not them and why not now? Cue the Bill Conti music.
We can fruitlessly argue legacy and about where you rank LeBron on your list of all-time greats but why bother? Let’s just say he’s up there to varying degrees and is most likely the most complete player we’ve seen this century.
LeBron has rubbed a lot of fans the wrong way, however, which is why I’ve asked my counterpart, J-Dub, to chime in on this one. I’ve traditionally played the LeBron homer to his hater, so I foresee us presenting both sides of the LeBron coin for your perusal.
Is this the bitter frosting on the player empowerment cake that has turned fans off to the game, or simply the case of an NBA legend trying to pursue his career for as long as the league, and his health, will allow? Was LeBron right to make this move? What will his role be on that team and how will he be embraced by a fan base that’s traditionally hard on its players? And perhaps most importantly, if he makes a game-winning play that brings this town a title, will it in any way change how he’s remembered and how quickly would they erect a statue of him right next to the one of Rocky Balboa?
But before we get to the nitty grit, Dubs, explain to the audience how you feel about LeBron in general, and his career.
J-Dub:
You’re such a cock-tease. Don’t think I didn’t notice your BlueChew-inspired attempt to lure me into that shopworn “GOAT” discussion. Not only is it passé, it was low-grade literally from jump. You called it “fruitless;” it’s actually low-hanging fruit of such abundance to make it painfully boring.
But there’s no debating the sense in which LeBron James is in a league of his own. Nobody else got a once proud franchise to draft their quasi-talentless son. Maybe “Bronny” should go with “Bonny” and declare for the WNBA. Let’s be honest, this is a league where all it takes to be it’s 3rd biggest star is a set of tarantula-like false eyelashes and a proclivity for blowing game-winning lay-ups. I’m positive s/he at least can do that.
Perhaps bringing “B(r)onny” into this is needlessly mean, but sometimes one must resort to drastic measures; setting such a harsh tone to disguise the fact I’m about to say a bunch of stuff I’ve already said. My family has original roots in Philadelphia, but I spent significant parts of my formative years in or around southern California. Add a love of sports from an early age, an old-school transistor radio, and the voice of Chick Hearn…you get a guy who was a Laker fan when Kareem Abdul-Jabbar was still Lew Alcindor.
As such, my thoughts on this subject are nothing new. I was the original anti-Lebron Laker fan. I didn’t exactly mourn his departure. Nothing changed in between, nor has it since. To call back to another of your references, the film blogger side of me has Rocky on a draft of great movies ruined by sequels. James taking his talents to the City of Brotherly Love is just another installment in this never-ending story.
But this one is going to look a lot like the last one.
As somebody rooted on both sides, I can show you the subtle differences between LeBrocky VI : The Laker Years and LeBrocky V: Fear and Loathing in Philadelphia. Let’s start with how this looks from the Los Angeles end; it’s really the easiest…and in sticking with the theme, it’s something I’ve already said.
The Lakers’ long national nightmare is over.
For them, the reasons why are irrelevant. The fans in Philadelphia are the ones who need to worry about the ramifications of the questions you asked. But as you alluded to, the question that really matters here is…all marriages have honeymoons; how long will it be for James and the City of Brotherly Love?
SportsChump:
LeBron will bring Philly some fond memories for sure but for a moment, let me recover from the fact that you just openly disparaged Rocky IV. We might still be in the Cold War if it weren’t for our mumbling 80s icon. I’ll get over it.
If, as you suggest, this stint will look a lot like LeBron’s last, at least that resulted in a title, albeit bubblefied. The thing about the Lakers, and probably the Dodgers as well, is that titles are expected. Every year they’re not contending is considered an abject failure. I’m not suggesting it’s wrong to have goals but considering the organizational clusterfuck that is the Lakers right now, it looks like LeBron got out just in time. I mean, seriously, when’s the last time in history, someone did NOT want to be a Laker. Mike Evans didn’t even want to leave Tampa that badly.
But back to expectations. One title is all Philly wants out of this. And probably all LeBron wants too, his final PHuck you to the league.
The biggest difference between the Philadelphia Experiment and his L.A. Story is that no one is expecting LeBron to “bring” Philly a title or at least carry the brunt of the workload, which he had to everywhere else. There will be times when he’s the fourth best player on the floor which has never happened to him before. What he contributes will be gravy. I can even see him coming off the bench if needed. Contrary to popular belief, his on-floor ego ranks far below most other players of his generation.
If he plays the supportive teammate, massaging Jaylen’s ego, loaning Embiid his personal trainer and providing tutelage, as needed, to a young Maxey and Edgecombe, 55+ wins and a deep playoff run should be in the cards, even with a gimpy Joel.
There I go already contradicting myself by saying expectations are low and then predicting an Eastern Conference Finals appearance. It’s hard not to. That roster is ridiculous. Plus, it’s fun to needle Philly fans when we all know how this will end. I mean, we are talking about the Sixers.
Either way, they’re officially the hottest ticket in town. Expect them to be on TV all the time, assuming you can figure out which streaming service is showing the game that particular evening. Lower bowl tickets for when they come to Orlando, a town where nobody gives a shit about basketball, are well into the four figures. Guess I’ll be watching that one on TV.
J-Dub:
The trick here is looking back to see the future. At least when LeBron James went to Los Angeles, he didn’t make that “not one, not two, not three…” mistake like when he “took his talents to South Beach.” But the intention was obviously the same; the man has spent the last half of his career chasing more rings than Zsa Zsa Gabor. What did the Lakers end up having to show from that marriage? One asterisk-worthy title which took a pandemic to make possible.
Here’s the “look back” part. You asked “when was the last time anybody in history did NOT want to be a Laker? Oh…how quickly we forgot the LaMarcus Aldredge fiasco. This marked the moment when the Lakers as you say became an “organizational clusterfuck.” Allow me to refresh you…
This was the moment everybody could no longer deny Jeannie Buss was little more than window dressing for the basketball and business stylings of her father and Phil Jackson. Aldredge was the top-buck free agent on the market at the time, and “I’m still dreaming” Jeannie tried to sell him on a deal focused too heavily on off-court marketing and branding in Los Angeles in order to hide what was ultimately going ng to be little more than the Kobe Bryant farewell tour with a supporting cast led by a geriatric Metta World Peace and Roy Fucking Hibbert.
That mattered because it was only a few years later when the new blood in the Laker front office concocted the LeBron marriage to restore the “salad days” of the Buss era in Los Angeles. That’s really the same theme for Lebron in Philadelphia. Granted, this is more about winning a title than it is about restoring a dynasty.
Given that track record, what can the fan base in Philadelphia expect? We know how the Sixers’ marriage will begin…just like all the others, with lofty if not impractical expectations. But like a heroin addict “chasing the dragon,” there’s no recapturing the initial rush. That means between now and when this marriage finally ends, we’re all going to have courtside seats for what promises to be another exercise in the law of diminishing returns.
The subtle difference here is LeBron James is about to meet the bitterest of his basketball ex-wives. I don’t think this incarnation of “not one, not two, not three…” ever gets to one. When that becomes clear, the Philly fanbase will turn on James. The only question is how ugly will the divorce be? Will we see batteries coming from the seats in the Wells Fargo Arena?
SportsChump:
Only if LeBron puts on his Santa suit. He’s already halfway there with his graying beard and artificially inseminated hairline. I’m trying to come up with an apt historical comparison for something like this but I’m drawing a blank. Brady to Tampa maybe?
But then again, Brady brought leadership that locker room desperately needed. Most NBA teams who assemble aging all-stars like an unwanted Avengers sequel watch that experiment fail miserably, like putting multiple Band-Aids on a gaping wound. That Steve Nash – Karl Malone fiasco in L.A. comes to mind. LeBron in Philly should fall somewhere in between historical success and miserable failure which admittedly is a broad window.
But this feels different, maybe because, as you suggest, we’re still in that honeymoon phase and because Embiid has yet to break another bone in his foot. What’s inarguable is that there will be a buzz in Xfinity Mobile Arena that Philly is not accustomed to, as there should be.
I’d have to see what value books are offering on a “Will he/Won’t he” prop before I assign any value to the prediction but if I could get even money on an ECF appearance over the next two years, I’d have to take it. Wouldn’t you?
At least Philly basketball fans have hope? How long has that been since one can say that?
J-Dub:
Here’s what most people don’t understand about Philadelphia. The people who call it home have America’s biggest case of municipal “Little Brother” syndrome. Throughout it’s long and storied history, The City of Brotherly Love somehow always gets the brown ear-muffs.
First, it was overshadowed by Boston in terms of colonial history, Then it was ditched as the seat of government; eventually in favor of Washington D.C. Philadelphia used to be the economic capitol of America until New York City outgrew it. That matters because it’s the spice in the stew that is the Philly attitude. That’s why there’s a statue of Rocky fuckin’ Balboa in the city that personifies “underdog.”
But the same stuff which gives it that “never quit” toughness also has little patience for prima-donna bullshit…which Lebron James brings in huge doses. No matter what happens on the court, Lebron is a self-contained soap opera in size 18s. His whole time in Philly will be spent one sound bite away from the guys at 94 WIP Sports Radio turning on him. Once that happens, the progression is hard to stop. What starts with being called “the dope who orders a vegetarian cheesesteak” ends with batteries coming from the upper deck.
As for what happens on the court, ask yourself this question. Do the words “Joel Embiid” and “40-something LeBron James” really ring championship in your ear? For me, let’s just say if this doesn’t result in rings in Philadelphia, I’m buying stock in Energizer.
SportsChump:
But if it does, my friend, which for you, and a nation full of LeBron-haters, I hope it does, I can’t help but have the feeling that he’ll be remembered differently.
And if it doesn’t happen, well, they’ll just keep hating him anyway.
Happy basketball season, my friend.
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