In a move designed both to lessen the impact of Ben Roethlisberger’s impending 6-game “give or take” suspension, the Pittsburgh Steelers have traded the beleaguered quarterback to the Duke Lacrosse Team. While details of the deal have not yet been made official as of this time, reports have Duke Lacrosse sending two defense attorneys and… Read More BREAKING NEWS: Ben Roethlisberger Traded
For those of you unfamiliar with the term “Wingman,” it is simply a guy who will run some interference while you attempt to secure female companionship for the evening. Think of it an offensive lineman blocking off the ugly chick while you as the quarterback look to go deep with her hot friend. This is a… Read More Willie Colon Is No Longer Willing To Be Ben Roethlisberger’s “Wingman”
One of the purely beautiful things about live sporting events is the things that cameras capture. For example, it seems that Red Sox fans have finally found a way to unearth a more productive left-handed bat than David Ortiz. Sure, he’s green, slightly crusty, and sticks to the end of your finger, but…wait, never mind.… Read More Green Things Invade the AL East
The last time I weighed in on this case, I made it a point to state that rushing to judgement in a criminal matter was a mistake; that time was needed for the process to play itself out. I stated that it is CRUCIAL that the facts of what actually happened come to light. Until then,… Read More Roethlisberger: Time to Write a Check
It’s one of those classic “What could possibly go wrong?” moments. There’s no way that Opening Day at Dodger Stadium, a Pavillion full of the usual “let’s duke it out during God Bless America” rabble-rousers, an assload of liquor, and $8 per hour security personnel could lead to any trouble, right? You would be exactly… Read More Well, At Least the Dodgers Security Can Hit
If you haven’t guessed by now, this blog is less about which teams I love; it’s more about why your team sucks. Granted, I’m certainly not alone when it comes to a hatred of the New York Yankees. But I had a special sort of bile-spewing, eyeball-popping rage for Hideki Matsui. If I ever needed… Read More Getting Over the Hate
First of all, I don’t mean that kind of fanstasy quarterback. I mean fantasy in its traditional sense, as in not real. Ever since Brett Favre hit Minnesota, Viking fans have been having a fantasy that this aged wonder will lead them to the championship they so desperately crave. It’s not going to happen; there’s… Read More Open Letter to Minnesota Viking Fans: Get a Better Fantasy Quarterback
That colossal cheer you heard the other day emanating from the greater Boston area had nothing to do with their beloved Sawwwwx or Patriots. Rather, it was the sound of Atlanta Thrasher Evander Kane looking more like Evander Holyfield by shit-hammering Pittsburgh Penguin cheap-shot artist Matt Cooke. Cooke, if you recall, forever etched himself in… Read More Karma’s Trophy Case Now Includes Some of Matt Cooke’s Teeth
Until this point, Tom Emanski was the standard reference for those cheesebag youth-baseball instructional videos. You know, the sort usually purchased by those parents who have already emotionally scarred their little-leaguers for life, and are well on their way to complete douchebaggery. May I introduce Dr. Tom House, co-founder of the The National Pitching Association,… Read More The National Pitching Association
Wow, you learn something new every day. Take the effects of anabolic steroids for example. Granted, I knew they made you into the Incredible Hulk, as well as giving you pimples, making your head triple in size, and shrinking your manbits into raisins, but I had no clue they completely divorced you from reality. That… Read More I Didn’t Realize Steroids Caused Delusional Behavior
Today makes it official. As a fan of the Minnesota Twins, today marks the day that we never, repeat, never again have to suffer major league baseball in the atrocity known as the Metrodome. Today marks the Twins’ home opener against the Boston Red Sox, making what was once a dream of outdoor baseball in… Read More Welcome To Target Field… Goodbye HumptyDome
Yesterday, it finally happened. After all the times I wished that the edifice of evil known as Texas Stadium would collapse, it finally did…well, with the help of timed explosives. Sure, I know that Jerry Jones has built himself a new Death Star with which he will continue to spread his evil throughout the NFL,… Read More Beautiful Things Do Happen in Dallas
The BC Eagles managed to drive yet another nail in my sporting coffin last night by knocking off the Wisconsin Badgers 5-0, thus denying the WCHA the title for the fifth year in a row. So, rather than fulment about how BC has driven me, a faithful Fighting Sioux fan, crazy in the past few… Read More Congratulations to the Boston College Eagles, 2010 NCAA Hockey Champions
Over the past month, the grist mill known as the American sports media has been all a-twitter with the recent sexual assault allegations leveled in Georgia at Pittsburgh Steeler quarterback Ben Roethlisberger. During that time, I felt as if I were the only writer in America who stuck by the decidedly American tenet of “innocent… Read More How Many People Owe Ben Roethlisberger an Apology Today?
For those of you that didn’t know, I hate the Los Angeles Dodgers. The single moment in my life that produced nausea so violent (ugghhh…fighting urge now) that it would have given Mr. Creosote a bariatric case of vomit-envy is the (urrghhhh…) is the Kirk Gibson homer in the 1988 World Series. You remember…Game One,… Read More Teams That Grind My Gears: The Los Angeles Dodgers, part III
Why do they always put the NCAA basketball Championship game on baseball’s Opening Day? This forces many sports fans to into a choice as to which great sporting they will watch; the beginning of the best sports seasons in America or the culmination of one of its biggest events. In any event, the fact that… Read More Hating Mike Krzyzewski Postponed Due to Baseball
All spring long we have regaled with tales of a phenom in Atlanta, a six-and-one-half foot tall Adonis whose garment you are not worthy to touch. It took no time at all for word to spread; there was a veritable pilgrimage all the way from Braves’ camp in Florida just to see the mighty Jason… Read More Let Heyward-Mania Officially Begin
“There is no sports event like Opening Day of baseball, the sense of beating back the forces of darkness and the National Football League.” —George Vecsey Is there a better way to describe Opening Day? Today is one the two high holy days in the Dubsism world (the other being the first weekend of college football). The… Read More Opening Day Is Finally Here
The approach of spring football also brings one of the true joys of college football: the Joe Paterno press conference. Understanding a Paterno presser, particularly the first one of the spring, means a full-fledged exercise in teasing the real story out of his “answers,” which are usually one part Yogi Berra, one part sarcasm, and two parts old-school… Read More Let The Jedi Mind Tricks Begin
As we are moments from the tip of Duke-West Virginia, it is time for another quick reminder why Duke should never get the support of right-thinking people anywhere. Today’s reason: Mike Krzyzewski is a humorless crybaby. The following ran in the Indianapolis Star on Friday: No, that’s not some post-production work done by a North… Read More Why You Shouldn’t Cheer For: The Duke Blue Devils
