We are suckers for lists. VH-1 always manages to suck people in with those “100 greatest songs of the 80’s” nostalgia-fests. Not to mention we sports fans never met a list over which we didn’t love to drunkenly argue. There’s even a website dedicated to such listery. I’m no different; I can play moth to the candle… Read More Ten Nobel Prize Injustices and Their Equivalent Sports Injustices
Everybody remembers the story of Jack and the Beanstalk. Via a trade, Jack ends up with what is seen as a worthless “bag of magic beans,” a bag that unexpectedly yields tremendous bounty. Let it be said that Denver Bronco fans have the role of Jack nailed down; starring opposite the Neckbeard’s goose that laid… Read More An Open Letter to Denver Bronco Fans: “Neckbeard and the Beanstalk”
What is going to happen Tuesday on the sports radio stations in the Twin Cities makes me almost sorry I used the term “full-throated” to describe previous Favre-gasms. Viking fans can’t contain themselves with the excitement over their win Monday night. What is happening right now on the local post-game radio show will continue through… Read More Favre-Gasm – The Four-Towel, “Sorry It Got On Your Face” Edition
It is the beginning of October here in Minnesota, which can only mean the beginning of hockey season. Now, for some of you, that means the National Hockey League. But for a few of us lucky ones, it means the tooth-shattering bliss that is college hockey, specifically it’s best league, the Western Collegiate Hockey Association… Read More An Introduction to the Western Collegiate Hockey Association
1) Hotty Toddy Gosh Almigh…FAAACK!!! When Houston Nutt’s Ole Miss Rebels travel to Columbia for a showdown with the South Carolina ‘Cocks of the “Ol’ Ball Coach,” and you put it on national television, entertainment should abound. First of all, there’s at least three good Beavis and Butthead-types jokes in the prior sentence alone. Then there’s always… Read More College Football Week 4 – The FAAACK! Edition
Mention the movie “A Star Is Born,” and the TCM-o-phile in me comes right out. I’m not the only one; it seems that every generation feels the need to remake this classic. Legendary Hollywood mogul David O. Selznick first made this movie in 1937. Another, and undeniably the best version starred Judy Garland and James… Read More Steve Sarkisian – A Star Is Born
“Mr. Kiffin, we have some good news, and some bad news…” It’s not like Tennessee-Florida is a rivalry with enough heat in it, Lane Kiffin seriously upped the ante when he took the Volunteers’ top job. Upon arriving in Knoxville last winter, he immediately stoked Vol Nation with promises of singing “Rocky Top” in Gainesville… Read More College Football Week 3 – Stuff You Hopefully Already Know
How many times have I wondered what a slightly boozy, slightly senile catcher-turned-announcer would sound like singing all the old standards? Well, now my prayers have been answered. But here’s the thing – by the sound of it, McCarver can really sing. When the Fox telecast cut back from a break they showed the Phillie Phanatic… Read More Signs We Are Near The End of Civilization: Tim McCarver is Cutting An Album
Thanks to Adam Richman, I now know that is actually possible to gastrointestinally rape one’s self. So that there is no possibility of missing the full experience, Richman has demonstrated two ways in which to leave your colon a golf-bag sized miasma of undigested beef and guatemalan insanity peppers. Each week, he either attempts to eat… Read More Man vs. Food – The Lane Kiffin Word-Eating Edition
No, the Right Reverend Houston Dale Nutt is not fisting Jim Rome…yet. Rather, these are just the themes from the latest examples of the completely bi-polar nature of the Nutt, and by extension, any institution affiliated with the Rt. Rev. Houston Nutt is just a head-scratching, what-the-hell-happened-there type enigma. I can’t decide whether the man is geniunely bat-shit crazy,… Read More Houston Nutt Bi-Polar Update: Rome Gets the Rubber Glove Treatment
As the old adage goes, sometimes it is better to be lucky than good. Why? Because lucky guys do just what the tag decribes; they get lucky. Kyle Orton Gets Lucky lucky – pronunciation: \ˈlə-kē\; function: adjective; inflected form(s): luck·i·er; luck·i·est 1 : having good luck 2 : happening by chance : fortuitous 3 : producing… Read More Kyle Orton is Just a Drunk Ben Roethlisberger
Ohio State Gets Pushed Around Again It doesn’t matter how long you lead the game, it is who leads at the end that matters. Everybody else is focused on the Ohio State Pentitentiary University coughing up its fifth straight loss against a Top 5 opponent, but it matters more why they lost. When it came… Read More College Football Week 2 – Stuff That Will Get Overlooked But Probably Shouldn’t
On the last episode of “Guess That Gender,” guest judge Crocodile Dundee stated clearly that South African runner Caster Semenya was a dude. Now, some other Aussies, the kind with those juicy, delicious science brains concur. Two Australian newspapers reported Friday that gender tests show the world champion athlete has no ovaries or uterus and internal… Read More Dude Looks Like Lady, Part Deux
Once again, the balance of power in the Big Eleven Ten lies in ruins. Once again, the Ohio State Penitentiary University starts a campaign highly-ranked, only to suffer a big early season loss. Of course, these shifts in the balance of power occur because tOSPU dominates the Big Eleven Ten landscape in much the same… Read More Inglourious Buckeyes – The Tarantino View of Ohio State
Well, not by much. Actually, they are still pretty much a prime example of fully-reversible, three-speed, nuclear-powered suck. They would be the laughing stock of the NFL except Cincinnati and Oakland still have teams. But by firing Chan Gailey last week, the Chefs Chiefs got a little bit better. For those of you that don’t… Read More The Kansas City Chiefs Are A Bit Better: Now 100% Chan Gailey Free!
Two things that everybody will be talking about around the Tuesday morning water cooler: LeGarrette Blount’s knuckles and Sam Bradford’s shoulder. Sure, those are the headlines from the opening weekend of college football, but they threaten to overshadow some other stories that need to be heard as well as some factors within those two tales… Read More College Football Week 1 – Stuff That Will Get Overlooked But Shouldn’t
It used to be when you thought of scary places in Indiana, your mind went right to Gary. Not the Gary of “Music Man” fame; the Gary that hangs like an infected hemorrhoid from the inflamed rectum of Chicago, the place that produced really scary guys like Joe Jackson and “Mongo.” But the epicenter of… Read More Watch Your Ass in Bloomington – Indiana Has “The Pistol”
Rest assured, Viking fans. Just when you thought the saga of King Brett I was too much for you to take, purple nostalgia comes to the rescue. You can now buy the “Whizzinator” made famous by former Viking Onterrio Smith. SHAKOPEE, Minn. – The infamous Whizzinator is among several personal belongings of former Minnesota Vikings… Read More 750 Bucks For a Fake, Purple Penis?
Man, where do I begin with this one? Is it their psychopathic asshole legendary coach who got fired for slugging an opposing player? Is it the fact that they have made a completely ridiculous tradition of some tuba player who is usually so fat it is a miracle they can still bend over? Is it… Read More Teams That Grind My Gears: The Ohio State Buckeyes
Monday night, before the Vikings game against the Houston Texans, King Brett I said he might have a cracked rib, but that there has been no official diagnosis. In the same press conference, he said taking deep breaths caused pain, but that he won’t wear any extra protection because “the damage is done.’’ Too bad… Read More Favre-gasm: It Just Keeps Getting Better
Dubsism 