Does a former drill instructor make a terrible therapist? Of course he does, you jackwagon! Obviously Joe Paterno is old. But he hasn’t always been old. In fact, JoePa just recently became old again. Allow me to explain; Paterno is a time-chameleon. As recently as January, JoePa wasn’t old. See, that was because Penn State… Read More Ask the Geico Guy: Is Joe Paterno Old?
Let’s just start with the obvious. He’s gone; get over it. I understand this is hard for you, but now is the time for some honest self-assessment. Sadly, that will never happen if you keep listening to your owner, Dan Gilbert. Gilbert is doing a wonderful job of playing the dumped wife who can’t help… Read More Open Letter to Cleveland Cavalier Fans: Congratulations, You Sound Like an Ex-Wife
As your home for the Jamie Moyer for the Hall-of-Fame Campaign, Dubsism will continue to bring you updates on the ageless wonder. Even though Moyer took a loss against Atlanta on Wednesday night, it gives one pause to take a look at what Moyer has accomplished in this, his 24th season in the Major Leagues.… Read More Your Jamie Moyer Update 7/8/10 – He’s the Best 47-Year-Old Pitcher You Are Going To See Today
Remember the good old days when the arrest of a sports figure brought lurid tales of sex and/or drugs, or at least a slow-speed Bronco chase? Well, today’s athletes clearly lack that sort of panache when it comes to making the police blotter. In fact, this past week has shown us they’ve become downright lame.… Read More This Week in Silly Arrests
As you know, Dubsism is your home of the Jamie Moyer for the Hall of Fame Campaign. As you know, Moyer is in the process of blowing past some serious names in terms of his career statistics. How can this be considering he was never really a dominating pitcher? That’s an easy question to answer. … Read More Your Jamie Moyer Update 7/6/10 – Philadelphia Gothic
That’s right, America. We have yet another episode in the never-ending “dude/not a dude” saga of South African runner Caster Semenya. After 11 months, the International Association of Athletics Federations (IAAF) has now decided that Semenya is apparently “female enough” to return to sanctioned competition. “The process initiated in 2009 in the case of Caster… Read More My Wiener Has A First Name, It’s C-A-S-T-E-R…
Sometimes, great records are eclipsed in odd places. For example, Cal Ripken Jr. and Dave Winfield both collected their 300oth hits in the frozen wastes of Minnesota. Paul Molitor got his in a place most baseball fans under 20 have barely heard of (Kansas City). Tony Gwynn passed the 3000 mark in a baseball venue… Read More Your Jamie Moyer Update 7/2/10 – History Happens in Strange Places
Oh, by the way, Carlos Zambrano is now probably available if you need a cancer in your clubhouse…more on that later. Ok, Chicago, we here at Dubsism tried to warn you that a disaster was coming in Wrigley Field. The warning signs were all there. First, it was Milton “M-Bomb” Bradley talking smack from the… Read More Cue Chicago Cubs Implosion in 3…2…1…
Last night, the Dodgers avoided a sweep of the season series with their crosstown betters. Still, even though I’ve been a life-long Angels fan, Vin Scully as the “voice of the Dodgers” is one of the voices of baseball that should never be forgotten. This may be the last time I may hear Scully doing… Read More Drinking to Enjoy Vin Scully
The post office says “neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds.” That’s because unlike a computer, they don’t need electricity to walk up to your mailbox. After a week of tornadoes and floods (two great ways of removing power lines, by… Read More Your Jamie Moyer Update 6/24/10
Being a Notre Dame hater meant collecting files full of material on Charlie Weis, their ass-bag former coach who we can be pretty sure will never patrol a college sideline again. That being the case, we have a ton of stuff that now is about as useful as Coach Fatbag’s NordicTrack. However, this stuff is… Read More File Dump: The Charlie Weis Edition
Wednesday night brought more history from Moyer, who at the age of 47 years 155 days became the oldest pitcher to notch a “W” over the Yankees. But all the future hall-of-famer cares about is the win. “I don’t think that I’m old. So I don’t believe it. Regardless of what people think or say… Read More Your Jamie Moyer Update 6/17/10
Does a ten-pound bag of flour make a really big biscuit? First of all, we’re not talking about that Carlos Santana. This one is one of the most touted rookies not flinging death-bullets for the Nationals. Sadly enough for Carlos, he did nearly meet his maker at the hands of a Nat, just not Stephen… Read More Ask The Geico Guy: Is Carlos Santana Happy Adam Dunn Is In The Other League?
There’s an old saying about necessity being the mother of invention. Add some desperation and a heaping helping of good, old-fashioned horny, and you get this: Now, I ask you: Is there a better combination of monstrously disturbing and sickeningly funny? Even if there is a sweaty pervert out there who could legitimately answer “yes,”… Read More Great Moments in Inflatable Doll History
Ever since Omar Moreno bought the Los Angeles Angels, there has been a war for supremacy in the Southland’s baseball market. Moreno may not be Georgi Zhukov, but his Red Army achieved as decisive a victory this past weekend at Dodger Stadium as Zhukov did against the Germans in 1943. Battered in this battle over… Read More Los Angeles is Now Truly The City of the Angels
Two words: this picture. Not that there is anything wrong with the “less than masculine” pose, but here’s the deal, Glen “Fat Baby” Davis. You need to win the damn trophy before you get be all cute with it.
For those of you who had Friday, June 11th in the “Day Lou Piniella finally snaps and has one of his signature meltdowns,” please step forward to collect your money. Frankly, given the escalating level of Lou’s blood pressure during those every-day press conferences, you had to see this one coming. As usual, it is… Read More Piniella Finally Pops…You Knew It Had To Happen
Leave it to Chicago to find a way to fuck up anything it touches, like a sports day that should have been a tremendous one in the Windy City. After all, it isn’t every day you get to have a victory parade. But when the time came for Chicagoans to stop celebrating the Blackhawks’ capture… Read More Wrigley Field: A Perfect Site For a Disasters
Last time out, the future Hall-of-Famer looked as such, tossing a complete game victory. This time out was a bit of a different story; Moyer was on the recieving end of an artillery barrage that would have given Edmund L. Gruber cannon envy. Moyer took 40 pitches just to get out of the first inning,… Read More Your Jamie Moyer Update 6/11/10
It is an official position of Dubsism that Bobby Bowden is an Anti-Christ; he represented all that was wrong with college football, and many things that are just wrong in the universe in general. This means we here at Dubsism had lots of material in our files on Bowden; a lot of material that became… Read More File Dump: The Bobby Bowden Edition
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